Band of Ukes
by xotakux2002x
Summary: You can only push your lovers so far, before they're going to leave. How will the Akatsuki members cope during an unwanted separation? kisaita sasodei kakuhidan zettobi
1. Prologue

The day began like any other day for Deidara; wake up, talk to Sasori for approximately three seconds, and then get yelled at.

"Brat, can't you see I'm busy?!" Sasori snapped. He spun around in his chair, holding up a puppet arm and a piece of sandpaper to emphasize his point.

"Well _sorry_, un!" Deidara sarcastically shot back. "It's normal to tell someone good morning when they get up, danna!"

"Don't you have something better to do than annoy me?" the puppet master inquired, completely ignoring the blonde's valid argument.

Huffing indignantly, Deidara hopped out of bed, hurriedly dressed himself, and then stormed out of the artists' shared bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Sasori stared at the door for a few seconds before shrugging his shoulders and returning to his work. The puppet's arm wasn't going to sand itself, after all.

Meanwhile, Deidara stood in the hallway, growling angrily under his breath. Stupid Sasori danna, ruining his morning before he'd been awake for ten minutes! His growls subsided, and proceeded to change into soft sighs. Why did his danna have to be so mean to him? They were more than partners, after all. The artists had been lovers for several months now; come to think of it, they were closing in on their one-year anniversary. Yet the redhead always seemed to find some reason to be cruel to the little blonde sculptor.

"Maybe if he wasn't always working on those puppets, he wouldn't be so cranky," Deidara mumbled as he trudged down the hall. He may as well eat breakfast now, since he'd all but been thrown out of his room and obviously couldn't go back yet for either clay or weapons to train with.

He arrived in the kitchen minutes later to see Hidan sitting at the kitchen table, glaring into his coffee and swearing to Jashin under his breath. The priest looked up when Deidara entered the room. The blonde stopped walking, and their gazes locked. "Sasori?" Hidan inquired.

Deidara nodded. "Kakuzu?" he replied in a knowing tone.

"Yup," Hidan answered. Deidara shook his head and crossed the dining room to reach the countertop. He grabbed hold of the coffeepot and a stray mug, pouring himself a cup of the steaming beverage. After adding a few spoonfuls of sweetener, he walked back across the room and sat at the table beside Hidan. Rarely did the two Akatsuki members see eye-to-eye, but when it came to boyfriend problems, they were the best of comrades. "What happened?" Deidara inquired, knowing that Hidan would be too pissed to listen to Deidara's woes if he couldn't go first in the story-telling.

The priest grumbled something under his breath, and took a swig of coffee before he spoke. "The bastard promised that we'd go to town today, since we've been trapped in this hellhole for so long."

Deidara nodded in understanding. Pein had decided that the Akatsuki needed to lay low for a time; something about preparation for a big mission in a few months. As a result, missions were few and far between nowadays, and because of Hidan and Kakuzu's destructive reputation, the duo hadn't been assigned a mission in over a month. Needless to say, they were beyond restless. "And?" he prodded.

"This morning, the first thing he tells me is that he can't fucking go because he needs to balance his Jashin-damned checkbook!" Hidan exclaimed, slamming his fist down on the table as he spoke.

"But you can still go, right, un?" Deidara inquired, hoping to calm the Jashinist down.

Tragically, his comment only made the zealot madder. "Hell yeah I can go, but that's beside the point! He told me he'd come, and then he backs out at the last minute?! Son of a bitch…"

"So it's the principle of the matter?" Deidara concluded with a sip of his coffee.

"Pretty much," Hidan admitted. "And what'd puppet boy do to you?"

The sculptor frowned as he began speaking. "Hidan, what does Kakuzu do when you tell him good morning?"

"Same thing as when I tell the dumbass anything. He grunts and then goes back to whatever the hell he was doing. Why?"

"Because Sasori danna called me a brat and basically told me to get out of our room when I said that to him, un," Deidara grumbled, his stomach twisting at the memory.

"Ouch."

"Yeah." Deidara looked down into his half-full mug and frowned again. "Hidan, you need to get a boyfriend who actually keeps his promises, un."

"And you need a guy that doesn't act like a total jackass every time you open your mouth."

"But of course we love our guys too much to actually do anything, un."

The two ukes let out twin sighs at the same time. "We're pathetic," Hidan stated. Deidara nodded in agreement, and took another slurp of his coffee.

"Interesting how you talk about finding another 'guy', instead of guy or girl, when both of you claim to be bi."

Hidan and Deidara looked across the room to see Itachi standing in the entryway between the kitchen and the living room. "It makes an excellent argument for you two actually being gay."

"Dream on, bitch," Hidan growled. "You're the only full-blown fag around here."

Itachi shrugged his shoulders and crossed the room to the coffeepot, pouring himself a mug of java in silence. "Where's Kisame, un?"

The Uchiha took the time to add creamer to his coffee and sip the beverage before answering. "I don't know."

"He didn't tell you where he was going?" Hidan asked in surprise.

"He never does," the weasel explained calmly.

"Aren't you worried about him?" Deidara queried.

"Hn." The Uchiha took another drink. "Kisame gets annoyed when I bother him about trivial matters such as that."

"You're his boyfriend! You have right to know where he is, un!" Deidara declared.

"Tell that to a six-and-a-half foot tall shark with a bigass sword," Hidan muttered under his breath.

"Exactly," Itachi said. "There's no reasoning with him on matters like these."

Deidara groaned and leaned back in his chair. "Well, it's official. We all have lousy taste in men."

"I'll drink to that," Hidan stated, raising his mug in the air. Itachi and Deidara followed suit, and as one the group downed their drinks.


	2. Chapter 1

The next day, Deidara and Sasori set out for a mission. Deidara was overjoyed to be going out on the road for the first time in forever, but Sasori's company was most definitely a mood killer. "Will you quit humming?" the redhead snapped from within the confines of Hiruko.

"Well excuse me for being cheerful, un," Deidara mumbled dejectedly. His happy bubble had been burst, as per usual, by Sasori.

"Did you pay any attention to what Pein told us earlier?" Sasori asked, attempting to tactfully change the subject.

"Erm, well…not really, un," the blonde sheepishly admitted.

Sasori let out an angry sigh and muttered something that sounded distinctly like, "Worthless brat." At an audible voice, he said, "Pein's given us specific instructions not to use your bombs for this assignment. My art will more than suffice for the job we've been assigned."

"Then why did Pein send both of us, un?"

"It's possible that I may need backup, but that situation isn't likely to happen. As I said before, my puppets can easily handle anything that may cause us problems, and would be more effective than you at close range combat anyway."

Deidara's stomach knotted at the words, and a lump formed in his throat. "I'm going to fly ahead, un," he murmured, hurriedly sculpting a clay bird and expanding it before Sasori could protest. He took off, and flew higher and higher until his danna was only a speck on the ground beneath him.

The blonde pulled his cloak tightly around himself, hugging his arms against his chest. He hated it when Sasori began talking about his puppets like that. Always they were flawless works of art in his eyes, and far more useful than the blonde. For every one compliment Sasori gave Deidara, he had dozens more on hand for his art. "Bastard likes those things more than me, un," Deidara bitterly said, knowing that there was no way Sasori could hear him speaking.

He looked over the side of his bird to stare down at the moving dot he knew to be Sasori. "It's not fair, un," he complained. "I always put you first in my heart. So how come I'm second best in yours?"

The sound of wind rushing around him was the only answer Deidara received.

-n-

Hidan swore as he was roughly thrown out of his room and into the hallway. "What the hell, Kakuzu?!"

"If you can't shut up, then get out of here!" the banker snapped, slamming the door shut and locking it for good measure.

"Sheesh," the Jashinist muttered. He rose to his feet, and began dusting himself off. "Don't talk, Hidan, don't turn the pages too loudly, Hidan, don't breathe so freakin' loud, Hidan!" He banged on the door angrily. "At least give me my Jashin-damned scythe, bastard!"

The door opened, and Hidan's scythe came flying through the air, promptly imbedding itself in the zealot's chest. The albino swore as the door closed again. "Son of a bitch," he growled, yanking the scythe out of his body in an agitated manner. "I can't do anything right around him."

-n-

Meanwhile, Kisame and Itachi were enjoying a day of heavy training in the woods. They'd stopped for a short break, and were currently sitting near the edge of a stream. Kisame was soaking his feet in the crisp, clear water, while Itachi reclined beneath a shade tree. "You all right, Itachi?" Kisame called out, looking over his shoulder at the Uchiha.

"Hn," the weasel nodded.

Kisame rolled his eyes and returned his attention to the brook in front of him. Of course the weasel wouldn't give him an actual answer.

The truth was, Itachi was about as far from all right as you could get. The last few nights had been spent lying awake in bed, trying to come to terms with the plan he was about to carry out. It had been a hard decision to make; even harder than carrying out the order to slaughter his clan in cold blood. But, like that instance, this was something that had to be done.

Quietly, the Uchiha rose to his feet, and slowly made his way over to where his partner was seated. He stopped just behind the shark and kneeled down, wrapping his arms around Kisame's neck in a gentle hug. "I love you, Kisame."

The shark pulled away and turned to face the weasel. "Itachi, what's-" but at that instant, his eyes locked with two blood red Sharingan pupils, and his world faded to black.

-n-

By the time Sasori caught up to Deidara, night had fallen. The blonde had built a small campfire for the duo, and sat close to the flames, staring at the dancing orange and yellow fire. "I take it you had no problems?" Sasori asked.

"Un," Deidara replied, not bothering to look up at the redhead. He heard a soft clinking noise, and seconds later the cold metal of Hiruko's scorpion tail was pressed against his cheek.

He knew that this was supposed to be a loving gesture from Sasori, asking if the blonde was all right. However, Deidara had had enough of his danna's puppets for one day, and the cool steel that still stank of whatever poison had last been used on it touching his face was more than enough to ignite his fury. With a growl he smacked the tail away. "Leave me alone, un."

Sasori didn't move, at first, but gradually retracted Hiruko's tail and curled it around himself like a cat would. Knowing that his danna probably wouldn't speak to him now, Deidara promptly lay down, turning his back on the fire and Sasori.

From his new position, he was able to see the enemy ninja just before they struck.

-n-

Itachi stared down at the form of his unconscious lover, sadness filling his coal black eyes. _"It had to be done,"_ he reasoned._"When he wakes up, he'll grab Samehada and head back to base like nothing ever happened."_ Minus one very important thing, though.

Giving it not more than a moment's thought, Itachi bent down and kissed his lover's lips, before straightening and taking off into the forest.

-n-

Deidara swore as he backed over the coals of the Akatsuki's fire. He'd lost track of where he was stepping, and had now paid the price.

"Watch it, brat!" Sasori called out from across the battlefield.

"I wouldn't be having this problem if-"

"No bombs!" Sasori commanded as Hiruko sliced through another opponent.

Deidara growled another obscenity as an enemy kunai nearly buried itself in his chest. Most of the group was focused on defeating Hiruko, so the blonde fortunately only had to battle one person at the moment.

Realizing he needed a better spot to fight in, Deidara began backing up, and led his attacker into the woods.

Once he'd gained enough ground, the blonde extracted a shuriken knife from his bag and hurled it at the ninja. It hit him in the gut, just as expected. The man was not about to give up, though, and immediately ripped the blade away, before continuing the chase.

Cursing, Deidara ran further into the woods, relying heavily on his scope's night vision setting to guide him. As they ran along, he began to hear the sound of rushing water.

In a flash, a crazy plan formed in Deidara's head. A plan that he would never have considered under normal circumstances; hell, he might not have decided to carry it out even 24 hours ago. But now…now it sounded brilliant.

Deidara kept on running until he finally hit the stream. He stopped and hid, waiting for his assailant to catch up. When the man finally made his appearance, Deidara sprang from the shadows and immediately sliced his throat. The ninja died quietly, only making a few gurgling noises as the life left his body.

Deidara turned his head to look at the way the man had come. Sure enough, a trail of blood drops lay on the ground, leading back they way they'd come. After making sure a large puddle of blood had formed on the ground beneath them, Deidara hefted the ninja's body into the stream, watching as it sank and floated away. Everything was set.

Deidara walked onto the water, using his chakra to stay above the blue liquid. He muttered a soft, "Bye, Sasori," before taking off upstream.


	3. Chapter 2

Sasori narrowed his eyes as Hiruko's tail flung his latest victim's corpse across the clearing. He watched as the body bounced and rolled a few times before coming to a stop several meters away from him. "Why did they even bother?" he wondered aloud. He shook his head, deciding their reasoning wasn't all that important. All that mattered now was that they were dead, and he and Deidara were not. Speaking of which, where was that infernal blonde? "Brat," he called out.

No reply. He'd expected that much, considering what a foul mood Deidara had been in earlier that night.

Climbing out of Hiruko and sealing the puppet within a scroll, Sasori took a moment to look around at his surroundings. No sign of the blonde at all. He let out an aggravated sigh. Great, now he'd have to search for the brat.

Remembering how Deidara had led his assailant into the woods, Sasori pocketed Hiruko's scroll and began walking towards the forest. Earlier it had been completely overcast, but now the puppet master's surroundings were dimly illuminated by a nearly-full moon. Still, the redhead had to squint as he walked along, once again cursing Deidara's missing status. "Deidara, where are you?" he called out, lacing his tone with annoyance in hopes of prompting a quick appearance of his partner. Still nothing.

By now, Sasori was more than a bit annoyed. As he walked along, a gap in the tree branches hanging over his head allowed a ray of moonlight to illuminate a small, crimson puddle not but a few feet ahead of him.

Sasori had been a ninja for far too long to mistake the liquid for anything but blood.

He smirked. Apparently the brat had had a bit of trouble with this one. Sensing an opportunity to expedite his task, Sasori summoned a few puppets that had been specially designed to cut through weapons, armor, and people. Tonight, however, they'd be used to do a bit of pruning. With a flick of his wrist, the puppets were in the air. Several hacked through the overhead tree limbs whilst others hovered just below, catching the falling plants before they had time to land and hide precious evidence.

A little bit of Sasori-style gardening soon produced the desired results; more blood droplets were found a few feet away.

The Akasuna continued to cut a path through the surrounding forest. As he walked through the woods, a feeling of uneasiness grew in his stomach. Deidara should know better than to leave a bloody trail behind him. Not could it lead more enemies straight to him, but it also indicated that Deidara hadn't stopped the blood flow. Meaning that his normally unstable blonde was either being extremely reckless, or was unable to stop the bleeding.

Sasori's pace increased ever so slightly.

He followed the red trail deeper into the forest, barely registering the sounds of running water until he was practically on top of the stream. He began looking around the area, eyes scanning for any signs of the blonde.

It didn't take long for him to notice the large puddle of blood near the edge of the river.

As he stared in horror at the crimson stain on the earth, his mind began rapidly calculating how much blood was on that spot, and added it to the amount of ruby red liquid he'd followed to get here. When added up, the total was highly against Deidara surviving that kind of blood loss. "Dei!"

The puppet master looked around the area, now frantically searching for his partner. When he couldn't locate the blonde, he returned his puppets to their scrolls and hopped onto the river, before bolting downstream. If the current had carried away Deidara's body, the blonde could be several miles downstream by now. _"If he's not dead, I'm going to kill him,"_ Sasori vowed to himself.

-n-

Deidara ran all through the night, and straight through the morning as well. By the time he finally stopped running, he was ready to collapse from exhaustion. "Better take a break, un," he decided. The blonde leapt from the water's surface to rest on a log sitting near the water's edge. Not the most comfy of seats, but the sculptor had definitely had worse.

Despite the fact that he was now free of Sasori's hateful presence, Deidara was seriously beginning to regret running off without warning; primarily because this meant that he had absolutely no provisions, supplies, or any basic necessities he'd need to survive on his own. "I ought to see about mugging a traveler, un." The blonde wrinkled his nose at the thought. S-ranked criminals were above common thievery like that; but, desperate times called for desperate measures.

Firm in his resolve, the blonde walked away from the river, heading further into the forest around him. He was near a water source, and where there is water, you can almost certainly find people.

Sure enough, he barely hard to travel more than fifty meters before he encountered a well-traveled dirt road. With any luck, some trekker would pass by here in a short time, and Deidara could gain a bit of pocket money.

His plan set, the blonde retreated back into the nearby foliage and crouched down behind a few lush bushes, being careful to hide his chakra once he was in a comfortable position. Now all he had to do now was wait.

Deidara hadn't been in hiding for more than ten minutes when he felt the presence of someone approaching. He frowned. Whoever it was had to be nearly half a mile away, yet he could definitely feel their chakra. Furthermore, they were coming towards him at a very high speed. Both things indicated that Deidara was about to encounter someone of jounin rank or higher.

Things became worse when the foreign entity came closer, and Deidara realized he recognized this chakra. It wasn't Sasori's; he would have recognized it instantly if that had been the case. But whoever was approaching him was most assuredly Akatsuki. But who…

Before he could make a guess, Hidan was standing not three feet from him in the middle of the road.

The zealot stood perfectly still, looking from side to side with searching eyes. _"Dammit, Sasori must have told the others I disappeared, and now they're looking for me!"_ Deidara thought as he began to panic. If Hidan found him now, then it would prove that he'd actually attempted to run away from the Akatsuki; something that was punishable by death, according to the leader. Fortunately, Hidan wouldn't be able to detect his chakra. So, in theory, all he had to do was keep quiet until the zealot ran off-

Suddenly, a large beetle crawled across his hand. Deidara couldn't help but gasp and try to shake the bug off his limb.

Hidan spun around to face the bushes, and Deidara knew he'd been caught.

Not waiting for the zealot to make the first move, Deidara sprang from his hiding spot and hurled a lump of explosive clay at Hidan. The Jashinist quickly moved out of the way to avoid the blast, and moved his scythe in front of him in a defensive position. Without missing a beat, he charged at the blonde.

Deidara was fast on his feet, and easily dodged the zealot's attacks. He was definitely faster than Hidan, but the Jashinist still left him almost no time to fuse his clay with chakra. Deidara was finally able to hurl yet another bomb at the masochist, and quickly used the resulting explosion as a chance to fall back.

The bomber took shelter in the forest, once again hiding from Hidan. Soon, he felt the zealot wondering into the woods, probably in search of him. "Hey blondie," he called out. "I'll make a deal. You let me go, and I won't kill your sorry ass."

Huh?

The gears in Deidara's head began whirling madly, trying to figure out exactly what Hidan meant by his words. Giving up, the blonde took a huge risk, and emerged from his hiding place with his hands up. "Aren't you here to kill me, un?"

Hidan stood not ten feet from him, and blinked several times upon hearing the blonde's question. "Isn't that what you're supposed to be doing, dumbass? I ran off from the Akatsuki, you know."

Now it was Deidara's turn to blink in shock. "What?"

"You heard me! That fucking bastard Kakuzu finally did it. I never want to see his Jashin-damned face again…"

"Hidan, I just faked my own death, un. I thought Sasori da- Sasori sent word to you guys back at the base, and you were here to kill me."

"You ran off?" Hidan asked in an incredulous tone. Deidara nodded in response. "Damn." The masochist chuckled and returned his scythe to its normal position on his back. "Guess that makes both of us Akatsuki runaways."

"I couldn't have put it better myself." Deidara and Hidan spun around to see Itachi sitting in a nearby tree, and staring at them with Sharingan eyes.

-n-

"Zetsu, where are we going?"

"Up the mountain, Tobi," Zetsu replied. "**Why did we bring him along again?** Because we love him. **Why?** Because we do."

The boy skipped along the mountain trail, closing following his partner. "But why are we going up the mountain?"

**"Because we need a plant that only grows at this altitude!** Be nice. **No.**"

"Is Zetsu mad at Tobi?" the boy whimpered, unseen tears forming behind his mask."

**"Yes."**

Tobi proceeded to burst into tears.

"Now look what you've done! **What, he started-**shut up." Zetsu doubled back and pulled Tobi into a loving embrace, trying to hush the boy. "We're not mad, Tobi. He's just in a bad mood. Why don't you wait down here like a good boy, and we'll come get you when we have the plant?"

"Ok Zetsu!" the schizo smirked and gently lifted up Tobi's mask to kiss the boy on the lips, before continuing up the trail.

Roughly five hundred feet of climbing later, the plant man had finally located his desired flora. As fate would have it, though, the plant was located on the edge of a very unstable-looking edge of a cliff.

Cursing his bad luck, Zetsu slowly began to crawl along the edge of the rock, trying to avoid looking down and focus only on climbing towards his target. He very nearly lost his life when a huge hunk of rock came tumbling down after he tried to put his weight on it. Fortunately, he was able to steady himself, and watched as the stone tumbled away, before returning to his task.

-meanwhile, 500 feet down-

Tobi heard a dull rumbling and looked up to see several large boulders heading straight for him. "Tobi needs to move! But Zetsu told Tobi to wait right here like a good boy. But those rocks-" the masked ninja never finished his sentence, because at that moment the stone collided with him, knocking him out and sending him flying over the side of the mountain, tumbling along the hard stone as he fell.

Finally, the boy's limp body came to rest at the foot of the mountain. His body didn't stir, and had it not bee for his faint breathing, you would have supposed him to be dead. But for now, he was alive, and safe.

Little did the masked ninja know, though, that he was being watched from the shadows.


	4. Chapter 3

Tobi slowly blinked his eyes open. He groaned as he sat up; damn, everything hurt!

He looked around, and realized that he was lying at the foot of a mountain, surrounded by trees and boulders. "Urgh, what happened…where am I?" Tobi blinked eyes a few times. "Actually…who am I?"

As the boy sat there, trying to recall something, _anything_ about his past, a dozen furry bundles moved closer to him, chattering excitedly.

Tobi looked towards the noise, and realized that he was surrounded by squirrels.

For a time, all he could do was stare at the furry creatures, who stared right back at him. After a time, one of the rodents crept towards him, carrying a large acorn in his paws. He came closer and closer to the masked ninja, until he was standing close enough to touch the human. Quick as a flash, he set the acorn down in front of Tobi, and then scurried back to his group. All eyes were now on Tobi.

The masked boy picked up the acorn, turned it over a few times in his hands, and then popped it under his mask and into his mouth. He chewed it a few times, wincing and gagging slightly. Eventually, he managed to swallow it though.

The squirrels began chattering excitedly amongst themselves, before running off. A few squeaked at Tobi, and then followed their brethren into the forest. After a brief moment of hesitation, Tobi walked after the group.

Eventually, they led him to a grove of oak trees. Tobi watched as the squirrels scurried amongst the tree branches, knocking acorns off the limbs and letting them tumble to the ground before collecting them. The squirrel who had first approached Tobi presented the male with more acorns. Once Tobi had taken the seeds, he ran back to another pile, and began eating his share of the food.

Hesitating for only a moment, Tobi popped another acorn into his mouth. Hmmm, this one tasted better than the first one. With a smile, Tobi sat down and began eating the acorns that had been presented to him. What nice squirrels.

-n-

Sasori trudged down the road at a painfully slow pace. He'd completed the mission; the blood now staining his cloak and faux skin was proof of that. If the Akasuna noticed that he was drenched in the crimson liquid, he either didn't notice, or didn't care. Instead, his eyes were glued to the ground in front of him, and his mind was filled with nothing but worry for his partner.

Good news: he hadn't found Deidara. Bad news: he hadn't found Deidara.

He hadn't even been able to locate a single hint or clue of his partner, no matter how desperately or thoroughly he'd searched in and along miles of the river. Still, he couldn't keep a small hint of joy out of his mind from not finding a corpse. If it turned out that his lover really was dead…

The Akasuna let the thought trail off, not wanting to finish it. Right now, it was painful enough not to have his little blonde nearby. It was true that most of the time, Deidara bugged the hell out of him, but the occasions where he made the puppet master smile, or laugh, or a number of other things made all the headaches completely worth it.

Sasori looked at the sky above him, hoping in vain to see his partner flying overhead. The puppet master had loved watching his partner soaring through the sky on one of his birds, a wild and joyful look painted on his face all throughout his flight.

But now, there was nothing overhead but a few clouds, and bright sunshine. A kind of day Deidara would have loved.

Sasori glared at the sky. It shouldn't be so bright and sunny on this day. His Deidara may very well be dead or dying; the sky should be black and weeping.

If anything, the sun became brighter at that moment, mocking the distressed puppeteer that glared up at the brilliant star. Maybe Deidara had contacted Pein, or somehow gotten back to the base.

Yeah, and maybe Sasori was still human.

Returning his gaze to the dusty road beneath his feet, the Akasuna wrapped his arms around himself tightly and continued his trek towards home, trying his hardest to forget that he didn't have certain blonde walking alongside him.

-n-

Deidara and Hidan knew better than to try and fight Itachi, especially since the Uchiha already had his Sharingan activated. "What do you want, un?" Deidara demanded, crouching down into a defensive position as he spoke.

The Uchiha said nothing. Instead, he gracefully leapt from the tree he was sitting in and landed at its base. He calmly glanced from Hidan to Deidara and back again, before deactivating his kekka genkai. "Had I known you two also intended to run off, I would have included you in my plans."

"Actually, this was kinda spur of the moment-" Deidara began.

"Wait," Hidan interjected. He was now staring at the weasel in total disbelief. "Are you saying that you ran away?" Realizing what Itachi had just implied, Deidara too began to gape at the weasel.

"I wouldn't phrase it so poorly, but yes, I have indeed left the Akatsuki."

Hidan let out a relieved sigh. "So there's no danger of us turning one another in then. Thank Jashin."

"Un," Deidara agreed. "I guess we can just leave now."

"Not so fast," the Uchiha cut in. "You two are overlooking several problems that have just emerged at this meeting."

"Do tell, and kill the damn fancy wording," Hidan ordered.

"Very well," Itachi agreed. "You, Deidara, and I have all left the Akatsuki at the same time. Now, if it had only been one of us running off, Pein and the others might have believed we were merely going off to clear our heads, train, or something along those lines, which would have bought a few hours or days for escape. Now, however, all three of us have disappeared from very different places at once. This makes it appear as though we intended to escape as a group."

"He's got a point," Deidara grudgingly admitted.

"Next, there's the possible logic behind running off together. Had it just been two of us, Pein might infer that a duo in the den of homosexual criminals ran off for a good time-"

"There's more to us than being gay, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"Such as?"

"…un…"

"And unless I am mistaken, you just admitted to being gay," Itachi declared triumphantly.

"You were making a point, dumbass?" Hidan prodded.

"Ah, yes. Two running off wouldn't be that much of an issue; as previously stated, it could have bought the escapees a few hours or days. But a trio indicates a three man cell moving out for protection. Protection that would only be needed if the trio believed they were going to be attacked," Itachi added gravely.

"Like for turning traitor, un," Deidara added solemnly. He wringed his hands in a nervous manner as the truth in Itachi's statement sank in.

"Well what the hell do you want us to do, oh wise one among us?" Hidan inquired with heavy sarcasm in his tone.

"I assume that since neither one of you thought out your departure, you don't have a plan?" Itachi replied in his normal monotone. Hidan looked to Deidara before turning back to Itachi and nodding. "I thought as much. I'm willing to make a deal with you two.

The Akatsuki is going to come after us as soon as they realize we've all gone missing at once. For that reason, I believe we need to stick together. It will provide extra security, among other reasons."

Deidara and Hidan took but a few moments to think over Itachi's words. They had no plan; Itachi did. They needed protection; traveling together would give them that.

Deidara was the first to offer his hand to the Uchiha. "Deal, un."

Hidan slowly extended his arm as well. "What the hell do I have to lose?"

"Then it's settled," Itachi stated with an air of finality. "From this moment on, we're comrades in arms."


	5. Chapter 4

"What's the plan now, un?" Deidara asked.

"It's simple enough," Itachi assured the other two men. "If we stay in the nearby countries, our fighting styles and presences would quickly draw the attention of any and all shinobi here. However, to the east are lands still at war. If we fled their, we could hide in plain sight and never be noticed."

"That actually might work," Hidan admitted.

"The problem," Itachi went on, "is trying to get across several hundred miles of ninja infested lands with no connections, no shelter, and virtually no supplies."

"Tch, wonderful," the blonde replied.

"It's still a hell of a lot better plan than any crap you or I could come up with," Hidan retorted. Deidara didn't reply to Hidan's statement, and looked away from the duo.

"Then I take it the two of you have no problems with setting out now?" Itachi asked calmly.

"The sooner we get away from the Akatsuki, the better," Hidan declared. "Unless the PMSing bitch over there has any more problems."

"Let's just go, un," Deidara said. Nodding, Itachi began jumped up to the treetops and began running through the forest, his companions fast on his heels.

-n-

Pein realized as soon as he woke up that the day was going to go straight to hell.

Call it intuition, call it a gut feeling, anything you please; as soon as he opened his eyes, Pein knew that this was going to turn into one of those mornings were he'd wish he had locked his door, leapt into bed, and pulled the covers over his head.

His suspicions were soon confirmed when he heard Konan let out a blood-curdling screech from outside his room. Immediately the Akatsuki leader bolted from his bed, grabbed his cloak, and dashed out of the bedroom, trying to dress himself as he shot down the hall at top speed.

When he arrived in the kitchen, two things immediately caught his attention; Konan standing by the countertop, a horrified expression covering her face, and a blood-drenched Sasori standing near the doorway to the room. "Sasori, what the hell?!" Pein choked out, too shocked to think of anything else to say.

The redhead slowly turned his head to look at the leader, eyes half lidded, and mouth set in a grim line. "The mission's done. Deidara's gone."

Pein blinked several times, before opening his mouth to speak in a slow, low tone. "What do you mean, 'Deidara's gone?'"

"Deidara's gone. There was blood. I couldn't find the body." The Akasuna began trudging through the kitchen, body swaying slightly as he moved. He reached into his filthy cloak and extracted a small scroll, which he carelessly tossed to Pein. "There's the report. I'll be in my room." Without another word, Sasori exited the kitchen.

Pein and Konan stood in the room, frozen for what seemed like ages. It was the female Akatsuki member who first responded, and ran after Sasori down the hall. She caught up to him just a he entered his bedroom. "Sasori-" the redhead abruptly cut her off by entering the bedroom and slamming the door in her face.

Before Pein could further investigate the redhead's reaction, Kakuzu wandered into the kitchen. The leader couldn't see most of the banker's face, due to the mask, but he could still tell that Kakuzu was sporting a frown. "Have you seen Hidan?" he inquired of the leader.

"No, and I have better things to worry about than where your partner is," Pein snapped as Konan walked back into the room.

"Like what?"

"The fact that Deidara may be dead right now, for one thing," Pein replied.

Kakuzu raised a brow at the words. "What happened?"

"That's what I'm trying-"

WHAM

Everyone turned to look from through the kitchen doorway and straight across the living room to see Zetsu standing in the door, looking as though he'd been to hell and back. He ran straight across the base and practically tackled Pein. "Tobi fell off the mountain!"

"…What?"

"We were trying to gather herbs, **and the idiot followed us,** so we told him to wait, **and then rocks fell,** and when we got back he was gone!"

"Are you trying to tell us that Tobi is dead?" Konan gasped.

"He might be! **Now he's just gone,** and we need to find him **NOW!**"

"Deidara, Hidan, and now Tobi…" Pein muttered under his breath. He paused, thinking for a moment, before he spoke again. "I want everyone in this room in five minutes. Konan, get Sasori, Kisame, and Itachi right now."

"Kisame and Itachi aren't in their room," Konan informed him.

"Oh for Kami's sake-WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY?!" Pein demanded. He swore loudly and slammed his fist into a nearby wall, startling all the members currently in the kitchen.

"What's with the yelling?" Kisame inquired. The shark had just walked in through the front door, and was leaning lazily against the kitchen doorframe.

"Oh thank Kami you're back!" Konan exclaimed. "Hidan's missing, Deidara and Tobi might be dead, and we have no idea where Itachi is!"

"Huh?" the shark asked, blinking at the girl.

"You heard her," Pein growled. "Four of our men are currently missing. Well, three are; I have no idea where Itachi's gone off to."

"Sasori's here," Kakuzu stated as the Akasuna walked into the kitchen. He wore the same blank look on his face as earlier, not even mustering up enough energy to look annoyed.

"If everyone is here, I want full reports on when these people were last spotted, what they were doing, everything you can think of!" He paused to look around at the other members. "Any questions?" Kisame raised his hand. "Yes?"

"Just one," the shark assured him. "Who the heck is Itachi?"


	6. Chapter 5

Taki was a normal village lad. Today, on a bright and sunny day like countless others before, he was walking down a forest path, enjoying the scenery around him as he made his way back to the small town he hailed from.

Unbeknown to him, three former Akatsuki members were hiding not even ten feet from him in the surrounding foliage, and plotting his murder.

"Let's just blow him up, un," Deidara suggested.

"If we blow him up, we lose the money," Itachi argued.

"This is supposed to be a robbery, not murder, dumbass," Hidan added. "I say we jump him, take the money, and-"

"What, sacrifice him, un?" the blonde finished, eyes narrowed at the Jashinist. "That'll make it blatantly obvious who did it!"

"It'll just look like another other Jashinist sacrifice!"

"How many Jashinists do you see running around, un?!" Hidan had no answer for that.

"I'll just henge into a robber and take the kid's money," Itachi finally sighed out. It wasn't the most elaborate of plans, but he was getting sick of listening to these two bicker.

"...That could work," Hidan stated.

Needing no further encouragement, Itachi quickly transformed into a rough-and-tumble looking man. He'd taken the liberty of changing his hair color, eye color, skin tone, and even the height. Aside from the impassive look on his face, nothing remained of the Uchiha. Not saying a word to his companions, the weasel stepped out of the bushes and began walking towards the boy.

Thirty seconds later Taki was lying face down in a ditch, and the three men were walking along the road with their money carefully tucked away in Itachi's cloak. "Remind me again why we sank to robbing helpless bastards like that," Hidan growled. A band of S-ranked criminals going around and stealing from helpless travelers was something not even Kakuzu would sink to do. If word ever got out, they'd lose all credibility as powerful, bloodthirsty criminals.

"Because we need to have cash to pay for food, clothes, and lodging, and since your former partner was such a miser, none of us actually have any money on us," Itachi replied in a bored voice.

"Wait, why are we getting clothes, un?" Deidara inquired.

"We can't exactly stay in these cloaks," Itachi explained, motioning down to their Akatsuki garb. "And as of now, each of us only has one outfit. New clothing is mandatory."

Hidan snickered. "Kakuzu never gave me a fucking cent for clothes, 'cause we didn't need 'em. We can get by just washing ours in a Jashin-damned river or something."

"And what happens if Deidara blows you to pieces, and you don't have anything to change into?"

"HEY! I wouldn't...well, I might...ok, I probably would do that, un."

"See?" Itachi pressed.

"And you can't go around naked, un," Deidara declared before Hidan could even suggest it.

"Tch, fine," the zealot conceded. "Paying for food, paying for clothes...and I bet you're gonna make us each stay in our own room at an inn, right?"

"Unless you want the receptionist to spend the whole night imagining us having an orgy, un," Deidara replied.

"You guys would give Kakuzu a heart attack," Hidan muttered with a shake of his head.

-n-

"I knew the Sharingan was powerful, but never to this extent," Pein murmured slightly. He was sitting behind his desk, almost completely hidden by the mounds of manila folders now sitting atop the oaken work area. Each and every one contained a detailed medical report.

"I don't get it!" Konan cried in an exasperated tone. "How can he remember you, me, the Akatsuki, and everyone else, but he has no idea who Itachi is?!"

"I've heard of techniques like this before," Pein muttered. "Gen jutsus that cause selective amnesia." The leader growled and tossed a folder behind him to land on the ground atop an ever-growing mound of discarded papers. Yet another useless file.

"How does that even work?" Konan grumbled.

Pein retrieved another folder, and began flipping through it before speaking. "Sometimes, a person endures an event so traumatic that their own mind decides to block it out, for the sake of the person's wellbeing. These jutsus are able to convince the brain that certain memories are bad, and in effect make the victim's own mind shut the events off. But in all of those cases, it was only to make the target forget the events that happened in certain hours our days! Actually being able to going inside another's head, and erase the memories of a single person without damaging anything else...it's unheard of."

"He must have taken a lot of care to do it," Konan murmured softly. "If Kisame couldn't remember anything, we'd have had to kill him."

"That's probably why Itachi only removed the memories of himself," Pein concluded. "He might have suggested where he'd run off to in passing or something, and decided to remove the memory. This way, both he and Kisame are safe."

"By if he cares so much, why did he leave Kisame behind?!"

"I have no idea." Heaving a sigh, Pein threw away the report in his hands, before picking up another.

-n-

Several small birds squawked and flew away when Zetsu emerged from a tree, looking around. "Tobi!" he called out. No answer.

Fusing back into the tree, Zetsu hurriedly transported himself to another plant. This time, it was a weeping willow, draping itself over a babbling brook. **"Tobi, come here now!"** Still no reply.

Another move brought him into a tree trunk. Nothing around here but flowers, insects, and a rabid mongoose. Wait, rabid mon-"GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Later that night, as he was roasting the mongoose over an open fire and dabbing iodine onto his wounds, he stared up at the night sky and sighed. "I miss Tobi."

**"Shut up."**

"But I want him here-"

**"Shut up! He's just a stupid brat. Always running around, being all chipper, hugging us and saying how much he loves us and DAMMIT NOW I MISS HIM TOO!"**

Both halves of Zetsu sighed, and looked back down into the fire, which was now glowing a shade of orange not unlike the color of Tobi's mask. "Tobi…**where are you?"**

-n-

Tobi yawned as the sun began to set. Foraging for food all day sure made you sleepy. His comrades seem to think the same thing, and were already scurrying away to their homes for a good night's rest.

Following their lead, Tobi went after a band of squirrels he'd become particularly attached to, and curled up at the foot of their tree. He'd tried sleeping in the tree itself on many occasions, but this always led to him not being able to get comfortable, or falling out of the branches. So now, he merely slept near his friends instead of with them.

As blackness started to creep into his vision, the masked boy heard a few of the rodents above him chatter goodnight to each other. Tobi let out a few clicks and squeaks of his own, earning more cries from the squirrels around him.

And as he drifted off, Tobi decided he very much liked having such kind squirrels for companions. Maybe it was all right that he couldn't remember anything about his old life. The way things were going now, Tobi had absolutely no desire to leave his current lifestyle.


	7. Chapter 6

Sasori sat at his desk, calmly working on a puppet. The room was dead silent; a kind of peace he hadn't had since the period between Orochimaru leaving, and the arrival of Deidara-

The puppet master harshly dragged his knife across the puppet's torso at the mental mention of his former partner. Great, now he had to start all over.

Carelessly discarding the now-useless hunk of wood, Sasori grabbed another piece of wood off of the bedroom floor, and thought about the conversation Pein had had with the Akatsuki. About how Tobi's absence could be written off as stupidity, but Hidan, Itachi, and Deidara all disappearing at the same time was another matter. About the fact that the timing was a bit too perfect to be coincidence. And most of all, about how Sasori might not have been able to locate his partner's body, because there wasn't one to find.

So, Deidara had run off on him? Very well. He could live without the blonde. He'd been without that partner for over three decades, meaning he was definitely used to not having the sculptor around. And the little bomber had always been unstable, to an extent; half the time, Sasori honestly expected the blonde to blow himself to kingdom come, like his damnable idea of art.

He wasn't surprised that Deidara left. Maybe the bomber had planned this out, and decided to leave so that their love was brief. It he ever even considered their relationship to be love, that is.

Well that was fine with the puppeteer. He didn't need the blonde; he was Akasuna no Sasori, the heartless puppet master feared throughout the ninja world! Deidara had made him soft; calling him danna, making him feel things, and the like.

But no more. Now, things were exactly as they should be. Sasori finally had the peace and quiet he'd longed for ever since Deidara joined the Akatsuki, and was free to return to the heartless shell of a human he was meant to be. Right…everything was perfect now…now that it was just him, and his puppets.

-n-

"So, I honestly had a partner named Itachi?" Kisame inquired. He was sitting on the couch in the living room, with Konan at his side. Currently, they were talking about Itachi, in hopes of stimulating the shark's memories.

"Yes," Konan replied with a nod.

"Did I like him?" the shark asked.

Konan felt something knot up in her stomach, but was able to nod. "At first, you thought he was an annoying kid, but as time went on, you really grew attached to him."

"I can't see that happening," Kisame muttered thoughtfully. "I've been trained to push aside emotions, you know. They'd only hinder me on the battlefield."

"It's true though. You really relied on him," Konan muttered softly.

"Oh, you meant I counted on him in battle!" Kisame laughed and let out a relieved sigh. "I thought you meant I really cared for this guy! That'd be bad, if not plain ridiculous. Imagine, me actually having feelings for some bratty kid with a crazy gen jutsu technique."

"Right."

"Konan, is something wrong?" Kisame asked worriedly.

"I need some air," the female murmured. She hurriedly rose and bolted from the room, barely escaping the living room before a stream of tears made their way down her face.

The origami mistress didn't stop running until she was safely locked within the confines of her and Pein's shared room. Trembling, she sank to the ground, shakily inhaling and exhaling as she attempted to reign in her emotions. "Itachi, what were you thinking when you did that to him?!" she demanded as a few stray tears ran down her face.

-n-

Deidara and Itachi were perched on the edge of a stream, both staring intently into the water. Itachi had half a dozen needles in his hands, whereas Deidara only possessed a few bombs. "Ready, un?" the blonde asked. Itachi nodded, and Deidara quickly hurled an explosive into the water.

BOOOOOOOOM

Several fish were blown out of the water from the force. Once above the blue liquid, Itachi was quick to hurl knives at them. In only a matter of seconds, six fish were pinned against a few tree roots hanging down into the stream.

"Breakfast is served," Deidara happily declared.

"Not quite," Itachi muttered. "We need a few more."

Deidara nodded in agreement, and tossed another bomb into the stream.

BOOOOOOOOOM

-n-

By the time the duo returned to their campsite in the middle of a forest clearing, Hidan had a roaring fire going. "Nice fire, un," Deidara noted, showing their catch to Hidan as he spoke.

"Thanks," Hidan replied. "Kakuzu never let us use matches, so I had to learn how to build a fire by hand. I guess I ought to be thanking the bastard now…"

"Do we have anything else to eat with breakfast, un?" Deidara quickly interrupted. It was an unspoken agreement between the trio; always change the subject when it looked like a former seme was about to be discussed.

"Just biscuits," Itachi muttered. Their supplies were dwindling much quicker than they originally anticipated, and it looked like they were going to have to play the part of robbers soon.

"Fucking wonderful," Hidan muttered as he set the fish to cook over the fire. Once he was certain the creatures weren't going to fall into the fire, he looked up at Itachi. "How much farther do you think we'll have to go?" he inquired.

"We still have a long way to go," Itachi informed them. "Several more weeks of travel, I'd say."

"Wonderful, un," Deidara growled.

"I'm just glad Pein in the ass hasn't sent anyone after us," Hidan declared.

"What would we do, un?" Deidara inquired softly.

"Hn?" Itachi queried.

"If it were Kakuzu, or Kisame, or Sasori…if one of them came after us, what would we do?" he asked, eyes staring into the fire as he spoke.

"…" Hidan couldn't say anything, and looked to Itachi for an idea.

"We'll cross that bridge if and when we come to it," the Uchiha declared, his monotone wavering ever so slightly as he spoke.

-n-

Pein was sitting in his office, going over a report in his lap. He'd stopped his research on Kisame long enough to look into another matter. A problem that was just as bad, if not worse, than the ukes disappearing.

His Rinnegan eyes scanned the parchment carefully, and narrowed as he read along. "This definitely confirms it…" he sighed and folded the papers back up, before setting them aside on his cluttered desk. With a sigh, he leaned back in his chair, and stared blankly at the ceiling.

A moment later, though, he was back at work on the medical files surrounding him. He could worry about that report later; right now, healing Kisame was the bigger priority.


	8. Chapter 7

-weeks pass-

Tobi awoke bright and early to find the sun shining overhead. Several nearby squirrels ran over to their larger friend, chattering excitedly. Tobi was quick to respond and hurried after his furry companions into the forest. Today was the day they would begin gathering nuts for the winter.

At first the squirrels would be friendly, but give them enough time and they'd chew off your nose if you so much as glanced at their nuts. Tobi knew he'd need a large store, being so much bigger than the others, and thus had to hurry.

Still, even if this was soon to become a life or death battle over walnuts, he wouldn't mind terribly. The weather outside was lovely today; the kind of day that just put a smile on your face as soon as you got up. The masked boy could only hope everyone else was enjoying such a glorious day.

-50 miles south-

Zetsu was curled up in a cave, patiently waiting for the roaring typhoon outside to pass him by so he could continue his search. "You think Pein needs us?" he asked to himself. The cannibal had been forced to close his flytrap around his head, effectively shielding him from the onslaught of rain and making it easier to hear himself talk.

"**If he requires our presence, he'll send for us,**" the plant man reasoned. "But we're the one that goes to get people he sends for! **So?** He might need us now. **I don't care. We're not going back without Tobi.** Don't you think that's a bit unreasonable-**WE'RE NOT GOING BACK WITHOUT TOBI!** Ok, ok, calm down!" A crack of thunder silenced their conversation for a few brief moments. And then: "Tobi's scared of lightning. **And thunder.** We need to find him. **Duh.** But where? **I don't know.**" Another bolt of lightning made them hush once again. This time, their conversation didn't restart.

-n-

Kakuzu irritably drummed his fingers on a desk as he balanced the Akatsuki's checkbook. He was sitting in the room he had formerly shared with Hidan, working at his desk as per usual. It wasn't like he ahd anything better to do. Until the ukes (and Zetsu) returned to the base, all missions were put on hold.

The problem was, Kakuzu simply could not focus on his figuring. He could have passed it off as worry for Hidan, or curiosity as too what kind of partner he was going to get as a replacement for the Jashinist. The truth was, though, that it was too damn quiet in here for his liking.

Hidan had never once shut up during their partnership. Whenever he was awake, he was always whining, yelling, preaching, anything that would make his voice heard. Occasionally he'd talk in his sleep, muttering either about his god or some obscenities. At one point in time even his breathing seemed too loud for Kakuzu's liking.

Yet now that everything was silent, he missed the sound of Hidan's voice. Without realizing, his partner's talking had gone from annoying rants to background music that the banker enjoyed hearing. All right, saying he enjoyed it might be a bit of a stretch, but it wasn't too far off the mark.

But now there was no Hidan. Just him, his money, and an empty room. With a sigh, the miser set down his pen. The sound of his own writing was giving him a headache.

-n-

Kisame was currently in his room, searching for any signs of this Itachi everyone kept trying to get him to remember. He could clearly recall the conversation with his leader that had prompted this hunt...

_"Kisame," Pein began in a calm tone. The duo were inside the leader's office; Kisame, standing before the desk of the Akatsuki boss and trying locate Pein, who was currently buried in mounds upon mounds of paperwork. "I need to discuss this amnesia situation with you-"_

Kisame had to bite back an annoyed groan. "Pein, I've tried everything I can do to remember this guy, but there's nothing there!"

"No, it's there. You just need to access it," Pein corrected. "And before you ask, yes, I have a new idea. You really should learn to let people finish their sentences, Kisame."

"Sorry. Now, what were you going to suggest?"

"It's possible that all we need to restore your memories is the right trigger. If we can discover what said trigger is, we should be able to reawaken your memories of Itachi."

"Any idea what this 'trigger' might be?"

"None whatsoever. I recommend searching your room."

Thus, Kisame returned to his chambers and began ransacking the place. It wasn't so much out of desperation as it was the shark being sick of not knowing who this mysterious former partner of his was. "Nothing here..." he muttered as he finished going through the desk. He'd already checked under the bed, and the bathroom was all clear. Even his dresser was void of any and all evidence of this Itachi person. Whoever this Uchiha was had definitely done a good job of cleaning up after himself.

Except…Kisame blinked and snapped his fingers. There was one place he'd yet to check. A place that his partner very well may not have known about.

The shark walked over to the dresser and kneeled down on the carpeted floor, before slowly pulling out the bottom drawer. Once it was open, he grabbed a kunai from his weapons' pouch and began working the metal against the wood in the base of the drawer. What no one else knew was that Kisame had installed a false bottom in this particular drawer, for the simple purpose of hiding several of his belongings. A little more elbow grease was applied, and the wooden top popped off. Eagerly, the shark peered inside.

There were few items in here; a bloody knife, a few notes he'd saved from his old life, and other such odds and ends. Suddenly, his eyes fell on the corner of a photograph buried under some trip wire and a pair of loaded dice. Moving the junk aside, Kisame extracted the picture and held it up to the light to see better.

The photo showed a man in a fishnet top and capris pants, sitting by an open window. He probably wasn't aware that he was being photographed, as he was staring outside the room and into the distance. His head was resting casually on a flawless hand with creamy pale skin. Black bangs that perfectly matched his onyx eyes framed his face, and long hair as black as oil hung down his back, tied in a neat ponytail. There was a small smile on his face, and he seemed content to just sit there for ages.

Kisame stared at the photograph, calmly studying it for a time before sighing and shaking his head. "Well, I don't recognize you, so you might be this Itachi person. But I can't remember anything about you." Deciding to give up the search for now, Kisame returned the photograph to its hiding place and shut the drawer. The search for his memories could wait until he got a little lunch.


	9. Chapter 8

Quiet. That was all he could hear. Dead silence, surrounding him, unbroken save for the sound of his tools against the puppets that were scattered around the room. And even then, the calm was too much for him.

Sasori hadn't spoken a word in weeks. There had been no need to; Pein hadn't sent him on any missions, and he had no reason to leave his room. That, and of course his former partner wasn't there to talk to him.

The Akasuna turned over his latest puppet in his hands, before none too gently tossing it onto a pile of other works of art. He'd done nothing but work on his creations since he'd returned, and now they were piled up all over his chambers, glassy eyes staring at him as they lay collecting dust on the ground.

The trouble was, even though his hands were busy, Sasori's mind was free to wander about. Always his thoughts were on Deidara. Deidara, his once partner, and former lover. The little blonde firework, always wearing that ridiculous grin on his face, and forever chattering with Sasori about something. Slowly but surely, working his way into the redhead's heart, until he finally forced the words, "I love you," past the puppet master's lips-

Sasori put head in his hands and began trembling. And then, after all of that, the blonde just ran off. Why?! Why work so hard to get the Akasuna to return his affections, and then disappear? Why return the feelings, only to later turn about and act as though the words held no meaning?

Most of all, why was Sasori acting like this? Ever since the day they'd met, Sasori had longed for Deidara to vanish and leave him in peace with his puppets. At the thought, Sasori chuckled softly. Slowly, the chuckling grew louder and louder, until he was practically howling with laughter. Jerking around in his seat, he turned to stare at his puppets. Slowly, deliberately, he rose from his seat and walked towards the wooden dolls. "I picked you over him." The laughter faded from his voice, and the painful silence returned to the room. "I picked _you_ over _him_." He balled his hands into fists, and glared down at the lifeless puppets. "I picked YOU over HIM!" Growling, he slammed his fist into a nearby puppet and crushed in the side of its face.

The next few minutes were nothing but a blur to the puppeteer as all his pent up fury was released upon his once-beloved puppets. The normally calm and collected Akasuna was reduced to violently lashing out at the dolls with unprecedented rage, all common sense gone from his conscious being.

Eventually though, his biological heart demanded a break, and he stopped, doubled over and panting amidst his now shattered puppet collection. He jerked his head up at the sound of the doorknob turning, and watched as Konan tried to step into the room, only to be halted by mounds of broken puppets. "Sasori, what's happen-"

"Get out," the redhead ordered.

"But-"

"GET OUT!" he screamed. With a feral growl, he snatched a jar of poison from his desk and hurled it at the female. Konan let out a shocked cry and ran out of the room, slamming the door shut as she went. The jar made contact with the door and shattered, light green poison slowly dripping down the wood.

Sasori collapsed to his knees, holding his head in his hands with a pained look on his face. "Dammit Deidara…dammit…"

-n-

Meanwhile, Pein was looking over a new mission report with a grim look on his face. "I was worried that this would happen." He sighed and tossed the paper away. "This calls for desperate measures. They're not going to like this, but it's for the sake of the Akatsuki. As well as our lives."

Several hours later the leader was walking down the hallway, a slim brunette male in tow. He and the newcomer proceeded down the hall until he came to Kakuzu's door. He gave the man a look, and when he nodded, Pein knocked on the door. Seconds later, Kakuzu emerged, mask off for once. He looked as though he hadn't slept in days, and gave Pein a glare that could have frozen fire. "What?"

"_Whatever happened to respect for authority?_" the leader wondered, but shook it off. "Kakuzu, despite our missing members, the Akatsuki still needs to function."

"…"

"So, I've brought you a new partner," Pein explained, quickly motioning to the male as he spoke.

"…A new partner?" Kakuzu asked, a hint of surprise in his tone.

"Yes. You see-" before Pein could finish his statement, Kakuzu's threads were around the new member's throat, and had snapped the newcomer's neck. "Kakuzu, what the hell?!"

"I don't want a new partner," the banker replied with an air of indifference.

"It doesn't matter what you want! You need-"

"If you get me a new partner, I'll kill them," Kakuzu threatened. "I don't care who it is, how strong they are, or any of that shit. Either you get me Hidan back, or I work alone!" Without another word, Kakuzu slammed the door shut in Pein's face.

The leader looked from the door to the fresh corpse and back again before shaking his head. "Even if he's gone, you can't kill the memories of him, can you, Kakuzu?"

-n-

Deidara yawned and stretched out on the ground, lying on his back to look up at the sky. It was a beautifully clear night, and hundreds of stars littered the night sky. "Stars are out, un," he stated.

"Thanks for stating the obvious," Hidan growled from a few feet away. Deidara heard the sound of something being thrown onto the fire behind him; that must mean Itachi had come back from his mission to gather firewood. "Not like we couldn't fucking figure that one out."

"Hidan, hush," Itachi ordered. He curled up close to the fire, staring intently at the flames.

The zealot rolled his eyes but did as told, and stretched out away from the other two. "I don't get what the Jashin-damned deal with stars is, that's all. Dumbass…"

"Sasori showed me how to find some of the constellations, un," Deidara suddenly said aloud. The other two flinched, but said nothing. "There's the big dipper; and if you follow the handle, you can find Polaris. After that-"

"You can see the little dipper," Hidan finished. "And over there, there's Orion."

"Isn't that Gemini?" Deidara asked.

"No," Itachi said. He shifted his gaze away from the fire to look at Hidan. He was about to break their rule, but he had to ask. "Did Kakuzu show you how to find that one?"

The zealot shook his head. "We were always too busy trying to find some crappy shelter or cave to look at the damn stars. He was real good at searching for a place to stay, you know."

"He wanted to keep you safe," Deidara murmured. "Sasori was the same way."

Hidan laughed. "The bastard was just too cheap for an actual hotel room, so he'd settle for anything else." He smirked sadly up at the stars. "It's one of those Jashin-damned quirks about him that I love."

"…Do you miss him, un?"

"Duh." Hidan's grin faded into a frown. "But I doubt he misses me. Asshole probably got a new partner already."

Deidara bit his lip as he gazed up at the stars. He wanted Sasori just as much as Hidan wanted Kakuzu; but he knew that there was nothing left for him with the puppet master. The little love he'd been given by the Akasuna was no doubt gone by now; if he ever saw the redhead again, he'd receive nothing but harsh words and a beating, perhaps even death. Still, avoiding Sasori for the rest of his life had to be better than never having true affection show towards him. "Do you think they miss us?" he quietly asked.

Itachi answered immediately with a, "Kisame doesn't."

Hidan raised a brow at the Uchiha. "What makes you say that? At least the damn shark actually acted like he cared about you-"

"I wiped his memories of me."

Hidan's jaw dropped, and Deidara rolled over onto his stomach to stare at Itachi with wide eyes. "What?!" they gasped.

"He doesn't remember me at all," Itachi continued as a bitter smile appeared on his lips. "Even if we were to cross paths right here and now, all he'd say to me is, 'Who are you?' If he bothered speaking to me at all." He looked at the other two with sadness in his eyes. "It's like everything we did never even happened."

"…" Hidan said nothing, but merely shook his head in disbelief.

Deidara rolled over onto his back once more, and looked up to the stars once more. "We're pathetic, un," he muttered. "Pining over lost loves like this, and rushing off to certain death because of them, un."

"Like we had a choice, asshole," Hidan growled. "It's either stay with heartache, or get the hell outta here and deal with a little heartbreak."

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all," Itachi quoted.

"Whoever said that was really full of it," Hidan declared.

"Un," Deidara agreed, and even Itachi was nodding his head a few moments later.


	10. Chapter 9

The desert sun beat down on the scorching hot ground, a cloudless sky and desolate surroundings offering no shelter to the single man who was currently trudging slowly across the plains. "**I hate this,**" Zetsu complained to himself. "**I really do.** But it's necessary to find Tobi," he argued.

The schizo's eye involuntarily twitched. "**If he were anywhere within a 10 mile radius of us, I'd freakin' see him since the ground is as flat as a pancake!**" The sudden outburst caused him to become light-headed, and the plant man collapsed to the earth. Desperate for shade, he shut his flytrap tightly around his head. Although this provided him relief from the sun, the heat trapped within his flytrap quickly made the temperature rise to unbearable levels, and he was forced to open up again. He was somewhat cooler now, but the bright light was back.

The Akatsuki member lay there, completely still. He could vaguely hear the sounds of vultures circling overhead, but paid it no mind. "**Tobi, where are you?** We want you back, Tobi." And for the first time in a long time, the plant man felt genuine sadness in his heart.

He was snapped out of his emo moment, though, when a vulture swooped down and landed a few feet from his head. He smirked to himself. At least providence was kind enough to provide him with sustenance.

Zetsu waited patiently as the bird hopped closer and closer, and then, when it was close enough, he snapped his flytrap shut around the vulture. Dinner was served.

-n-

The trio made up of Itachi, Hidan, and Deidara was on the move once again. Itachi was in the lead, as per usual, with the other two fast on his heels. They were moving through the forest, or at least what remained of it. Soon, the forests would completely disappear, and they would be traversing across the vast plains that separated them from their intended target.

Suddenly, Itachi halted and raised a hand, motioning for the others to stop. Deidara and Hidan responded as expected, and shifted down into fighting stances. "It's all right," Itachi informed them.

The Uchiha turned about to face his companions and hopped across several tree branches to stand near them. "We need to talk," he explained calmly.

"About what, un?" Deidara inquired with a raised brow.

"Ya having second thoughts about us coming along with you?" Hidan guessed.

"No," the weasel stated as he shook his head. "I've been thinking. It's not safe for us to traverse the plains. It offers no protection whatsoever, either from enemy ninjas or…other persons," he elaborated.

Deidara and Hidan were in shock. "You mean we came all this fucking way for nothing?!" Hidan practically screamed at the weasel.

"No, I'm saying we're going to need to backtrack a bit and make a detour," Itachi snapped at the Jashinist.

"Actually…"

"What? If you have a Jashin-damned plan, blondie, spit it out," Hidan commanded.

Deidara was staring at the plains, head cocked to the side and a thoughtful expression painted on his face. Slowly, one of his hands slipped into the clay pouch on his hip. Itachi stiffened, and Hidan reached for his scythe, both of them expecting an attack from the direction Deidara was looking towards. To their confusion and relief, Deidara merely kneaded the soft clay with his hands, as if calculating how much he possessed. "If there are enough waterways on the way to the warring lands, I can fly us there on one of my birds, un," he declared.

The other two men stared at the blonde for a few minutes as his suggestion sank in. "That plan's not half bad," Hidan said in a surprised manner.

"I agree. That is, if you think you can support a bird carrying the three of us for hours at a time," Itachi cautioned.

Deidara didn't even hesitate before he nodded. "It'll be easy, un. Sasori and I had to fly like that for days at a time, un. If we stop at night for food and rest, it'll be no problem."

"In that case, we can continue along our previous path," Itachi concluded. "Is that fine with you two?" Twin nods were given in confirmation, and soon they were running through the forest again.

This time, though, Itachi wore a frown on his face. Deidara's casual reference to Sasori had brought back memories of his own former lover. Vaguely, the Uchiha wondered how Kisame was doing. He hoped the shark was getting along all right without him; then he realized what a foolish thought that had been. Of course Kisame would be fine; he'd been in the Akatsuki longer than Itachi, and had gone through numerous partners before the weasel's arrival. Besides all this, Kisame was a full grown man, and thus fully capable of caring for himself in the real world.

_"Still,"_ he thought somberly, _"I can't help but worry about him."_

-n-

Kisame himself was reclining on his bed, frowning down at his sole photo of Itachi. Try as hard as he could, he was no closer to remembering his former partner than he'd been when he'd first discovered this photo. It was like he kept hitting a brick wall within his mind; a wall with no cracks, no gate, and no way of sneaking around.

Despite not being able to remember the man, though, Kisame had grown rather fond of Itachi's picture. "He's not all that bad looking," the shark quietly mused. "Sort of like…refined? No, more like gentle. Wait, that's not right either…" the shark groaned in frustration. Lovely. Now he couldn't even think of a decent adjective to describe the weasel.

His concentration was broken by a soft knock at the door. "Come in," he called out.

Konan slowly opened the door, and cautiously peered about. Ever since Sasori's mental breakdown, the female was particularly careful when entering the semes' rooms. "Pein needs you," she informed him.

"What for?"

"Big meeting. He wants everyone to meet in the living room, as soon as possible." Kisame nodded, and the origami mistress quickly dismissed herself, presumably to gather the others together as well.

Sighing, the shark laid his picture on the bedside table to study later. Right now, he needed to see what the leader needed.

When he arrived in the living room, he saw Kakuzu reclining boredly on the couch, and Hiruko sitting next to the couch, presumably with Sasori in it. The shark took his seat next to Kakuzu just as Konan and Pein entered the room.

The leader looked at the trio before him and sighed. The Akatsuki was only fighting at half its normal force; this was not good. "Everyone, I have important news. And before you ask, no, it's not about our missing members." You could practically feel the hope in the room wither away at the words. "What I'm going to speak to you about is a much more pressing manner.

As I'm sure you're all aware, I've had you carrying out simple missions for the past few months, in preparation for a much more difficult assignment." The leader paused as the others calmly nodded their heads. "You see, about six months ago we received news that a certain group of skilled ninja was planning on summoning a demon."

"Like one of the tailed beasts?" Kisame inquired.

"No. More like a hellhound they're going to forcibly drag out of the gates of hell." All attention was now on Pein's every word. "I determined the information to be insufficient proof that a summoning was actually going to occur, due to their lack of manpower and skills in the area of summoning. Still, I took a few precautions; like keeping you people close to the base and watching their activities with a careful eye."

"And?" Kakuzu pressed.

"It appears that through various means, they've acquired more skilled ninja to help them, as well as stealing a few scrolls with important notes on the summoning process. The only thing they're missing now is a scroll I had Sasori and Dei-" Konan began coughing madly, effectively cutting Pein off. "I mean, a scroll that was retrieved a few months ago. However, this particular item isn't entirely necessary for the job-"

"Get to the point," Kakuzu growled.

Pein gave the man a glare, but did as told. "They're prepared to summon the demon any day now. We need to make sure that doesn't happen."

"We're going to go to their base, and destroy everyone and everything we can get our hands on," Konan went on. "We have to make sure that none of them escape, or else they could revive the idea to summon the beast."

"The base will be heavily fortified, and we'll be outnumbered at least thirty to one," Pein cautioned them. "If we didn't absolutely have to do this, I'd avoid this situation at all costs. But there's nothing we can do now, except kill."

Kisame snorted. "Sounds like we don't have much of a choice." He turned to look to the other members beside him. "Right?"

Kakuzu grunted in the affirmative, and Sasori made a motion with Hiruko's head that Kisame could only assume to be a nod. "All right, when do we leave?"

"You have one hour to pack," Pein informed them. "And then we're heading out."

"To where?"

"A place pretty far to the east of here. The countries in that area are always at war with one another, so the radicals had no problem sneaking a few hundred men into their base. The locals would have just thought it was part of an army or something."

Kisame nodded while Sasori and Kakuzu exited the room. Soon the duo parted ways, and Kakuzu made his way to the bedroom that had once belonged to himself and Hidan.

The banker quietly shut the door, half expecting Hidan to start pestering him about the meeting. Sadly for the banker, nothing greeted his ears but the silence of a nearly empty bedroom.

For the hundredth time, Kakuzu sat down on the single bed in his room and ran his fingers across the quilt covering his former partner's side of the bed, meticulously smoothing out the nonexistent wrinkles in the covers. He closed his eyes and stretched out on the mattress, his head resting on Hidan's pillow. Years of using the same pillowcase had deeply embedded the Jashinist's scent into the fluffy bed accessory, and offered Kakuzu the closest possible thing to his actual partner. "Hidan," he whispered softly as his eyes closed.

-n-

"Kakuzu," Hidan murmured as he stared off into the distance. The trio was now riding atop a clay bird, courtesy of Deidara. While the blonde focused on piloting their transportation, Hidan's mind was free to wander. Naturally, all he could think of was his old partner. Currently, he was sitting towards the rear of the bird, staring back the way they'd come, as if he was trying to look for Kakuzu.

"Why do you always do that?" Itachi inquired from behind him.

"Do what?" Hidan asked. The zealot scooted over a few inches, allowing Itachi to sit next to him on the bird.

Once the weasel had made himself comfortable and smoothed down his windswept hair, he began to clarify his statement. "You always mutter Kakuzu's name when you think we're not paying attention. Why?"

Hidan stared straight ahead of him for a few moments, picking his words carefully before speaking again. "When I was a kid, this old bitch told me that if you say a person's name, and that bastard says your name at the same time, you'll be able to hear each other no matter how fucking far away from each other you are. If you believe that crap."

"Do you?"

"…Maybe."

"If you miss him so much, why'd you leave?"

Hidan snorted and grinned bitterly. "The bastard didn't want me around anymore, so I got the hell outta there."

"What makes you say that?"

Hidan just shook his head in reply. "You wouldn't understand, dumbass." He yawned and fell back against the bird, staring at the sky above them. "Well, I'm beat. Night."

"It's not even four o' clock," Itachi reminded him.

"Like I give a damn. I'm gonna sleep now, Jashin dammit." With that, Hidan folded his arms behind his head and shut his eyes, intent on getting some rest. Itachi rolled his eyes before stretching out and mimicking the masochist's motions. There was nothing better for the two of them to do now, and since Deidara would be completely drained of chakra when they stopped, he and Hidan would be responsible for setting up camp and keeping watch for enemies. Enemies that could very well be their former allies…

Allowing his thoughts to briefly shift to the Akatsuki once more, the weasel fell asleep near his comrades.


	11. Chapter 10

Kakuzu had just finished his packing. It hadn't taken him long; years of living the life of a criminal had taught him to pack light whenever possible. It wasn't like the banker would have taken long to gather his things even if he traveled with a heavier load. In Kakuzu's mind, wasted time amounted to nothing but wasted money, so such trivial tasks, such as eating, packing, and the like were always done as quickly and efficiently as possible.

The banker nearly sat down on the foot of the bed, but stopped halfway down. Normally, he'd have to wait for another five or ten minutes, because Hidan always took his sweet time to pack for a mission. But now…nothing.

Kakuzu shook his head and grabbed his pack from the ground. No use moping about lost partners. Wasted time and money, and all that…

As he walked to the door of his bedroom, he passed his desk, and a photo sitting atop the wooden surface, framed and proudly standing near Kakuzu's pencil cup.

For some inexplicable reason, the miser had allowed his part-his former partner to take a picture of the two of them. The photo was crooked, a result of Hidan having photographed them himself from arm's length. The photo itself displayed a smirking Jashinist, and a rather annoyed Kakuzu. The masochist was draped over the miser's shoulder at an awkward angle, which probably explained the perturbed look on Kakuzu's unmasked face.

It was their relationship, captured and summed up in a single instance. Any onlooker would have seen a childish, silver-haired man clinging to his annoyed senior partner.

Yet what the onlooker couldn't see, (due to Hidan's poor photography skills), was Kakuzu's burly arm wrapped tightly around Hidan's waist to make sure the Jashinist didn't slip from his perch, nor how the masochist had intertwined their free hands just out of the picture's frame.

That picture had been a form of anger management for years; all Kakuzu had to do was stare at the photo for a few minutes when he was upset, and suddenly the desire to break Hidan into a thousand pieces would vanish into thin air. But now…now the picture held nothing but memories of the past.

He was tempted to throw it out. By now, he'd had several weeks to devise a way to dispose of the wretched thing. Various plans ran through his head as he reached for the picture; he could burn it, toss it out, rip it into tiny pieces outside and let the wind carry it away…

But, as always, the miser's fingertips merely brushed the dust off the glass of the picture frame, and then left the photo alone. Another time, he told himself. Another day, and I'll be ready to finally dispose of it.

Nodding to himself, the miser finally exited his bedroom, making sure to lock the door behind him. Time to go.

As the banker walked down the empty hallway, he happened to notice that the door to Kisame's room was closed. The shark had a nasty habit of forever leaving the door wide open when he exited the room, unless Itachi was there to watch him. The sign of a closed door accompanied by a missing weasel could only mean that Kisame had yet to leave; a fact that was more than a bit odd, since the shark tended to pack the lightest of all the Akatsuki.

Knocking gently on the door, Kakuzu heard a muffled reply that confirmed his suspicions about the shark's whereabouts. "Kisame, we're leaving soon," the banker reminded his friend. Another muffled answer greeted his ears, and the miser walked off under the assumption that Kisame would soon be prepared to depart.

Meanwhile, within the afore mentioned bedroom, Kisame was stretched out on his bed, eyes glued to a very familiar picture of his former partner. Having completely given up on attempting to resurrect his memories, Kisame was simply searching for the right word to describe the male in the picture. Striking? No, fitting but not exact. Handsome? Tch, the male in the photo was closer to pretty or beautiful. Angelic?

Kisame's eyes widened at the word. "Yeah, that's it. He looks like an angel-" suddenly the shark cried out and clutched his head.

-n-

_The sun had barely risen in the sky. Had it not been for the feeling of his partner stirring beside him, Kisame could and would have slept for several more hours. Choosing instead to wake-up, the shark carefully opened his eyes and turned his head to stare at Itachi._

The Uchiha was sitting upright, his back to the shark and legs dangling over the sides of the bed. He appeared to be oblivious to Kisame's consciousness, and continued to stare out the window and watch the sunrise. He was naked, and the other worldly light offered by the rising sun seemed to accentuate his angelic features. And that was precisely what Kisame considered his lover to be; an angel. Calling him anything less would be nothing short of a horrid insult to the Uchiha. "Morning angel," Kisame murmured.

Itachi turned to look over his shoulder, a blank look on his countenance, as if he was merely checking to see if his partner had spoken or not. When he saw that Kisame was awake, though, the expressionless look on his face gave way to a tender smile, and he rolled over onto his stomach to better face his partner. "Hn."

Kisame watched calmly as Itachi crawled across the bed to him, before settling down to rest on the shark's chest, knowing full well that Kisame's arms would wrap themselves around his waist once his body was still.

The older man held Itachi close and gently kissed the top of his head. "Is there a reason you're up so early?" he whispered.

"Hn." That was a no.

Reaching down with one hand, Kisame grabbed their bed sheets and pulled them up over Itachi's body. The weasel nuzzled appreciatively into the shark's neck, making Kisame's grin grow wider. "What say we go back to sleep, then?"

"Hn." A confirmation this time. "Love you, Kisame."

The shark couldn't resist planting a kiss on his lover's head. "Love you too, Itachi."

-n-

Kisame's eyes were wide open in shock, and his mouth was dangling open. "Itachi…angel…oh my Kami…" he clutched his head in his hands and doubled over, as if in pain. How could he have forgotten Itachi?!

He replayed the scene again, flinching when another memory suddenly came forth. A third attempt did nothing, but on the forth recollection a different instance had come to him. He'd definitely found the trigger.

Sighing to himself, the shark rose from his bed, and returned the photograph to its hiding place. Great, he remembered his partner. Now, if only he could figure out what Itachi had done to make him forget. Or better yet, what he'd done to make the weasel angry in the first place.

-n-

Pein looked around at the Akatsuki members assembled in the living room. It was he, his five additional bodies, Konan, Kakuzu, Kisame, and Sasori. They were down five men; a fact that did nothing to ease the leader's anxiety.

Furthermore, Kakuzu, Kisame, and Sasori all appeared to be somewhat distracted. No doubt the men preferred to think about their old partner's instead of the current mission. Pein vowed that if they ever did find those missing ukes, he was going to strangle the runaway trio. "Are we ready to go now?"

The others nodded in response. Preparations complete, Pein led the group out of the base. "Listen up. Once we get going, we're not stopping for anything. Konan and I have plenty of soldier pills, so if your bodies start to give out, let us know. Clear?" Once again, the leader received silent nods of affirmation. "It's good to see that you've all decided to become mutes," he sarcastically growled before taking off through the woods surrounding their hideout. No point in delaying this any longer.

-days later-

"You ok now, blondie?"

"What do you think, un?" Deidara growled angrily from his position on the ground.

Itachi, Deidara, and Hidan were resting on the ground. The Uchiha had managed to locate an area on the plains that not only dipped down into a slight bowl shape, but was also surrounded by scraggly bushes. It was the best cover they could find, and the trio had taken shelter there days ago. Currently, Deidara was reclining by the fire, looking as if he wouldn't be able to move for a few days more, while the Jashinist and weasel tried to cook dinner over the tiny fire they'd been able to make from nearby flammable materials.

"There's no need to be irritable," Itachi chastised as he tasted the stew he and Hidan had prepared. The Uchiha proceeded to wince at the taste, and then added a few more spices from his pack.

"You weren't the one hauling over two hundred pounds of dead weight on the back of a bird," Deidara retorted. "Do you have any idea how much chakra that takes, un?"

"You're the one that volunteered to carry our asses on those things," Hidan reminded him. "It's your own damn fault."

"As soon as I can move my arms, I'm going to kill you, un."

Hidan would have made a rather rude comment then, but was cut off by a low rumbling that accompanied the earth beneath their feet shaking.

Instantly all three men were on high alert. "The hell is that?!" Hidan demanded.

"Itachi, un?"

The weasel was already at the top of the depression in the earth, and was staring off into the distance with his Sharingan eyes. "It's a battle," he calmly informed them.

"What kind of battle causes an earthquake, un?"

"Hn."

"Save the unintelligible smartass answers for later," Hidan demanded. "What are we gonna do now?"

"Eat, then fly," was Itachi's reply as he turned about and walked back to his companions.

Deidara, of course, vehemently protested. "What makes you think I can even form a bird right now, much less fly it, un?!"

"Because we have to run now," Itachi snapped at the blonde. "If we wait until morning, the battle could be over, and the surviving soldiers may see us and decide to attack. If we go now, we won't be noticed, and we can avoid unnecessary fighting."

"But-"

"You're going to eat. Then, you're going to take a soldier pill. After that, we're leaving. Understand?" Itachi's harsh tone and Sharingan eyes left no room for argument.

Deidara sighed in frustration and grabbed a nearby bowl. After spooning out a helping of the stew in front of him, he began eating the food. "Bastard. And you used too much pepper, un."

-n-

Pein paused briefly in his fight to glance around at his surroundings. The Akatsuki had been able to catch their intended targets off-guard, but the element of surprise can only help so much when you're grossly outnumbered.

He knew that two of his bodies were nearby, and the others were scattered intermittently across the battlefield. Konan was fighting nearby, more in an effort to keep herself safe than to protect Pein. The leader often chose to keep her at the base with himself, so although she was a full-fledged S-rank criminal, she was a bit rusty in hand to hand combat. As for the others; Pein had lost sight of them almost as soon as the battle had started. The pierced man could only hope that they were faring all right.

A sudden advance by his opponent temporarily brought Pein out of his thoughts. With ease, the leader dodged the wild swing of his attacker's blade, then carelessly disposed of the man with his own weapon. Really, these fighters were no challenge whatsoever; their numbers were the only thing preventing the Akatsuki from a swift, easy victory.

Shaking his head, as if that would dislodge his careless thoughts, Pein returned his attention to the main goal of this mission; wiping out the ninjas before they could summon the hellhound.

His search came to an abrupt halt when a brilliant flash lit up the dark sky. Like a bolt of lightning, the illumination flooded the area with bright light, and then allowed the night to swallow up the war zone once again. Yet now, the sounds of battle were overshadowed by a low, deep rumbling that seemed to be accompanying an earthquake.

Realizing immediately what was happening, Pein began to retreat from the immediate area. "KONAN!"

The woman needed no further command and fled after her partner. Although she wasn't entirely sure what was going on now, she knew that if Pein said to run, it was a good idea to listen to him.

The duo fled not a moment too soon. The ground where they'd been standing moments ago split open, as if being torn apart by an unspeakable force. It turned out that this was exactly the case.

The Akatsuki and their opponents watched in a mixture of fascination and horror as the moonlight illuminated a pair of giant claws that emerged from the hole. The paws clumsily grabbed onto the side of the chasm, and heaved their owner out of the pit and onto the earth.

What met the eyes of the nearby ninja was a giant, dog-like beast, covered in short, black fur. Eyes glowing like fire surveyed the demon's surroundings as his head jerked from side to side, its powerful nose taking in the scent of death and blood that now characterized the battlefield. The beast suddenly threw back its head and let out an animalistic shriek, forcing many of the surrounding humans to cover their ears and sink to their knees in pain.

The Akatsuki was too late. Now, the hellhound was upon them.


	12. Chapter 11

The emergence of the hellhound did not go unnoticed by the airborne trio of ukes. If anything, they had the best view, since their current altitude made them eye level with the beast. Fortunately for them, they weren't quite close enough to be eye to eye with the demon, and managed to hover away from it at a safe distance. "The fuck is that?!" Hidan demanded, inadvertently voicing the other's unasked questions.

"Dunno, un. Itachi?"

The Uchiha had already activated his Sharingan, and was studying the beast with a frown on his face. "It looks like one of the tailed demons. But it's Shukaku that has one tail; not this thing…"

"A different demon, then?" Deidara inquired. Although his eyes weren't nearly as good as Itachi's, particularly given how dark it was now, he looked down towards the ground. "What about the people around it, un? Any clues there?"

Itachi's attention quickly fell on the nearby ninja. "There's a group standing in a circular shape…meaning they probably summoned this thing…" The Uchiha's eyes widened a fraction of an inch, and he swore softly.

"What is it?" Hidan inquired.

Itachi bit his lower lip, and it took him a few minutes to compose himself before speaking. "These ninjas…they're fighting against the Akatsuki."

"What?!"

"What the hell are they doing all the way out here, un?!"

"I don't know-"

Itachi's reply was cut off by another roar from the beast, followed by a swipe of its massive paw that sent dozens of ninjas flying through the air. Clearly, this monster held no loyalty towards the people who had summoned it.

The group watched in silence as the demon continued its rampage, biting and swiping at anything that dared get too close to it. Meanwhile, the battle had restarted, and the ukes could clearly hear the ring of blade on blade beneath them. "What do we do, un?!"

Itachi turned to calmly stare at Deidara, the darkness helping to mask the sick look on his face. "What do you mean?"

"I mean we have to DO SOMETHING! If we leave now, they're either going to be killed by those psychos that summoned that thing, or mauled by the monster itself, un!" Deidara tightened his hands into fists, and looked away from the others. "I know we're mad at Kisame and Kakuzu and Sasori, but I don't want them to die. They're bastards, but still…we love them, un. Or at least, I still love Sasori."

Itachi stared at the combat nearly eighty feet beneath them, and slowly nodded his head. "Never thought I'd say this, but you make a good point, Deidara."

"Thank you. Now come up with a plan, un!"

Itachi gave the blonde a look of sheer disbelief. "What?" he flatly asked.

"Think of some way for us to help them, un!"

"Right, I'm fully capable of instantly coming up with a brilliant plan while standing atop a clay bird, and this scheme will somehow allow us to aide our former lovers, defeat a gigantic demon that just crawled out of the earth, and then enable us to escape before Pein can catch and kill us for treason."

"Save the sarcasm and do it, un!"

As Deidara and Itachi continued to bicker, Hidan's eye began to twitch from annoyance. Apparently these two had forgotten that while they were arguing up here, their old partners could be in grave danger below. With a sigh of finality, Hidan rose to his feet and hefted his scythe onto his shoulders. "Well bastards, it's been fun and all, but I'm not gonna wait for you two to sort out this shit." He now had the other's attention. "And so, if you'll excuse me, I've got a dumbass to save." With a wide smirk, Hidan leapt off he bird and began plummeting to the ground below.

"Hidan!" Deidara screamed. "He may be immortal, but with a pair of busted legs he'll be useless, un!"

Itachi watched the Jashinist's rapid descent with Sharingan eyes, and then sighed in relief. "Good. A few men broke his fall."

"Wonderful, un. Now, about that plan…"

"You have an idea?"

For the first time in a long while, a wide, insane grin spread across the blonde's face. "Un."

-n-

Kakuzu heard a loud thump come from behind him, but pushed it to the back of his mind. More than likely, it was just the sound of another of Pein's victim's meeting a tragic demise. Besides, he had his own problems to worry about in the fight right now, and there was no time for such useless curiosity.

Curiosity over took common sense, though, when a very familiar three-bladed scythe shot past him and tore out a hunk of his opponent's side. As the weapon was retracted, Kakuzu's eyes followed the blades, until the scythe came to rest in its owner's hand.

There, standing not ten feet from him, was Hidan, sporting a sadistic grin and standing atop two freshly killed bodies. So he was the cause of the mysterious thump…

The Jashinist looked across the battlefield, and accidentally looked into Kakuzu's face. Their gazes locked for a few seconds, with neither one of them able to look away.

Hidan finally broke the trance with a growl and a, "Move, dumbass!" Before hurling his scythe past Kakuzu's head to slice into a man that had been attempting to sneak up behind the miser.

Finally remembering that they were indeed caught in a massive clash, Kakuzu returned his focus to the skirmish. He could work out the relationship issues with Hidan later. Once he was certain they weren't in mortal danger.

-n-

Itachi looked down at the clay owl beneath him, and for the first time, Deidara saw a hint of nervousness in the weasel's eyes. Although the clay creation was still attached to Deidara's original bird by the tips of their wings, Itachi was slightly worried that the two would break off without warning, sending him straight to the ground below. And unlike Hidan, the Uchiha did not have the luxury of immortality. "Are you certain that this is safe?"

"Don't be such a baby, un," Deidara scolded. "It's just going to glide down to the ground, un. You can jump off once it's close enough."

Itachi nodded in understanding, although a skeptical look remained plastered to his face. "You're positive that your explosives can do the job?"

"Of course," Deidara answered with a wide grin. "My art knows no limits, un." He looked up at the weasel's eyes and grabbed onto the tip of the owl's outstretched wing. "Are you ready?"

"Hn."

With a roll of his eyes, the bomber severed the connection between the two birds. The wings fluttered for a moment, before the owl began its slow descent to the earth.

Free to concentrate, the blonde began fusing his remaining clay with chakra as fast as his possibly could. C3 was the only type that would make a big enough bang, and in Deidara's book, when you were fighting with a giant hellhound, overestimating the amount of explosives needed to defeat the beast was better than underestimating them.

Tragically, fusing the clay with such high-level chakra took time; something the blonde was certain they didn't have enough of. "Please, hold out until I'm ready," Deidara whispered as he looked to the ground below.

-n-

Kisame was having severe problems on the battleground. It was those damnable memories. For weeks, he'd been trying to get them to return, if only to relieve his frustrations caused by the selective amnesia. Now, however, he wouldn't mind if the memories remained forgotten for a bit.

After all, it's rather hard to focus on warfare when every time you swing your blade, it brings back a memory of fighting with a man that, up until recently, you didn't even know you knew.

A fireball suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and completely incinerated the ninja behind Kisame. When the shark spun around to investigate, he saw a raven-haired man slicing up the remaining fighters with a katana plucked from a nearby corpse. A raven-haired man by the name of Itachi Uchiha.

And even as the shark jerked his attention away to rip apart a woman in front of him with Samehada, he couldn't help but smile. His angel was back.

-n-

Deidara grinned from ear to ear. "Finally, un." With quick, desperate movements, the bomber shoved the C3 clay into his bird's mouth, forcing the creation to swallow the explosive material. Once his task was complete, the blonde looked towards the demon dog again, and laughed softly. "It's about time you were taught about my art, un." Kneeling down to gain better control, Deidara began to steer the birds towards the hellhound.

Once he was within range, Deidara began hurling knives at the beast. Although they did little to hurt it, the blades that landed in the hound's eye certainly got its attention. With a cry of pain, the beast redirected its focus from the battlefield to the bird that was flying about its head.

Smirking victoriously, the bomber flew in and out of the demon's attacking range for several moments. Each time the bird darted away from the snapping jaws of the hellhound, the monster became more and more enraged. Finally, the bomber tossed a small bird into the air, and quickly expanded it to a giant eagle. Preparations complete, Deidara set his current bird on a direct course for the hellhound, and then abandoned it for the eagle. Without a second thought, the feral dog snapped the bird up in its jaws, and then thoughtlessly swallowed it.

With a huge grin, Deidara made his hand signs. "Katsu."

The beast never even felt pain as the force of Deidara's explosions blew its body into millions of bloody pieces. All that could be seen or heard was the blonde's explosion tearing the mighty hellhound into bits that rained down on the combat zone below.

Admiring his handiwork for a just a few moments more, Deidara quickly redirected his focus to landing the bird safely. This wasn't too hard to do; the bomber just had to pick a spot where the combat was the heaviest, and fly in that direction.

Once the bird was only twenty feet up, Deidara leapt off the creature and watched gleefully as it rapidly descended into the battling ninja before him. It was the last bit of clay he had, and he was going to make sure it took out a few dozen opponents in this fight. "Katsu!"

BOOOOOOOOM

Perhaps the blonde was too focused on his art to pay attention to his surroundings. Perhaps he was so concerned about landing safely that he didn't think to take in his environment. Whatever the reason, when Deidara landed, he failed to see the ninja sneaking up behind him until it was too late to defend himself.

This proved to be no matter, though, when a flurry of blades reduced to the would-be assassin to a few bloody lumps on the ground. "Get the hell away from him!"

Deidara twisted his head around to see his old partner for the first time in months. Sasori's normally calm and expressionless face had a wild, fearful look to it, and the blonde had a feeling he was the cause of that disturbance.

His suspicions were somewhat confirmed when an eight-legged puppet scooped him up off the ground and rapidly carried him to the puppet master. "Let me go, un!" he cried out while struggling against his new bonds.

Wrong thing to say. A look of pain crossed the redhead's face, but almost immediately gave way to a look of sheer disinterest. "Stay calm. You can't fight at close range." Giving the blonde no further explanation, the puppeteer returned to murdering his adversaries, while keeping Deidara in the tight grasp of his puppet.

It didn't take long after that for the radicals to be beaten. Their numbers had been their strength, after all; the more you took out, the weaker they became. After only another ten minutes or so of combat, the fighting was over. Meaning that now, there was nothing to distract the Akatsuki members from their former partners.


	13. Chapter 12

Deidara and Sasori now stood alone, the blonde still held firmly in place by Sasori's puppet. They were oblivious to the dozens of corpses littering the ground around them, as well as the fine layer of demon blood that coated everything in sight. Sasori didn't even seem to notice his broken puppets that were scattered about; all they could look at was each other.

Deidara stared at the redhead, determined to remain silent. Escape was not an option for him right now, but if the opportunity were to present itself, he needed to be ready.

It seemed as though Sasori was determined to keep the blonde captive, however. A twitch of his fingers tightened the puppet's grip on Deidara and lifted him up off the ground, while the puppet master himself moved closer to Deidara. His dark brown eyes never once deviated from the cerulean blue orbs of the bomber, and his normal bored facial expression had returned. He continued to advance towards the blonde, until finally they were only separated by a single meter. "Why?"

"Why what, Sasori?"

Perhaps it was the cold tone of the blonde's voice, or the absence of the 'danna' that had **always** followed Sasori's name. Either way, the sentence made the Akasuna snap. "Why did you fake your death, brat!? Why did you run off without any word or explanation?! Do you like torturing me? Does the idea of me agonizing over your disappearance entertain you?! You ran off and left me all alone, after trying to make me believe you were DEAD! Do you have any idea how painful that is?!"

"Probably as painful as being second best in your lover's heart, un!" Deidara screamed back at the puppet master.

"What-"

"You heard me! It took me months to work up the courage to tell you how I felt, and then, when I finally admitted I loved you, it didn't change anything, un! You only loved me when it was convenient, or you had some spare time," the younger male bitterly spat out. "I could handle harsh words and mean looks, but coming in second to your art…to your stupid puppets…that was too much, un." His pain bared for the Akasuna to see, Deidara fell limp in the puppet's arms. Right now, all he wanted to do was die. At least then he wouldn't have to look into the disgust that surely characterized Sasori's countenance right now.

"You're right." Deidara's head shot up at the words. He looked to Sasori and saw that the redhead now wore a bitter smile on his face, and was holding his head in one hand.

Sasori laughed softly and shook his head, eyes closing for a few brief moments, as if attempting to shut out the blonde from his world. "I saw you, struggling so desperately to tell me how you felt. Your affections were so blatantly obvious, but I did nothing because I was so certain that you'd get over this crush you had on me and move on."

_"What?"_

"But you didn't. You admitted your love for me, instead. And how could I refuse you? Somehow, you'd managed to become valuable to me, even then. I needed to return you affections."

_"He can't mean it…"_

"That was the worst mistake I could have made," Sasori suddenly growled out, as his smile instantly fell away. "I had no clue how to be in a relationship. I didn't know what I had to do to please you, show how I felt, or any of that. Sometimes, it was so much easier to focus on the tangible methods of my puppet's functions, than to figure out how your mind and heart worked. How delusional I must have been, to think that after all I put you through, you still meant it when you said 'I love you' to me."

_"I did, Sasori! I did…I do…"_

"And then, on that mission, you disappeared. I followed the trail of blood, and then I searched the river for you." Sasori couldn't even look at Deidara anymore, and focused on the ground. His voice was cracking ever so slightly, despite his best attempts to keep a level tone. "I had to conclude that you were dead. That I'd failed to protect you, and like one of your ridiculous fireworks, you were gone.

But then I returned to the base. Pein explained to us how you, Itachi, Hidan, and Tobi had all vanished at the same time. Thus, it was safe to assume that you weren't dead. That was even worse!"

_"Huh?"_

"If you'd been dead, that would have meant I only failed as a partner. But for you to run away and leave me like that meant I'd failed as a lover. That I'd completely broken your heart. I can't really blame you for doing the same to me. You had every right to leave me.

_"Sasori…I didn't want-"_

"And now," Sasori added as he looked back to the blonde, "we meet again. It seems you doing fine without me; you're probably better off, now that I think about it. Having a puppet for a boyfriend couldn't have been good for your health." The redhead turned away to smile at the piles of bodies around him. "And as you can see, I'm surviving with what you left me; an army of cold, dead, unfeeling PUPPETS!" His exclamation was punctuated by slamming his foot down onto a fallen marionette and crushing its wooden head.

Deidara's eyes widened at the display. Ordinarily Sasori was calm, and would never so much as apply too much pressure to the surface of his artwork; to display such anger and frustration, and take it out on his own creations, was unheard of. Something was very wrong with the Akasuna.

Before he could press the matter, though, the puppet that had been restraining him loosened its hold, and allowed Deidara to drop to the ground. The blonde looked to Sasori for an explanation, but the redhead had already turned his back to the bomber. "You're free to go," he murmured softly.

"Wh-What?"

"You heard me," the puppet master growled. He began walking around the battlefield, picking up pieces of his fallen puppets as he went. "You obviously don't want anything more to do with me, and Pein hasn't discovered your whereabouts yet. You can leave now; I won't tell him."

"Sasori danna-"

"I'm. Not. Your. Danna."

Never had any words hurt Deidara more. "Yes you are, un," the blonde protested. "You've always been my danna; ever since we met-"

"I'm not your danna, you stupid brat!" Sasori yelled. He didn't face the blonde; rather, he continued to look away, and helplessly clutched the gathered puppet limbs in his arms close to his chest. "If I were your danna, I'd know what to say to you, how to take care of you, and above everything else I'd be able to show you how much I love you! Calling me danna; what a joke. You ought to be addressing me as baka or dobe instead."

For a time, all the blonde could do was stare at Sasori as the redhead continued picking up his puppets. In only a few minutes, though, this became unbearable, and the bomber's feet carried him towards his former lover. In a swift, fluid movement, Deidara's arms were wrapped around Sasori's torso, and his face was buried in the puppet's neck. "I'm sorry, un."

-n-

Hidan looked around proudly at the destruction he'd caused. After not being able to sacrifice anyone for months, this bloodbath was sheer heaven to the Jashinist's sadistic side. The only thing that was ruining this moment was his partner, who was walking towards the zealot in an all too calm manner.

The masochist let out a soft sigh and turned around fully to face his former partner. "Kakuzu-"

WHAM

The blow to his face sent Hidan stumbling backwards, his mouth hanging open in shock. As soon as he regained his footing, he straightened up and glared at the miser. "The hell was that for?!" Another punch was his answer; this one aimed at his stomach. With a grunt, Hidan collapsed to the ground.

Kakuzu advanced on the fallen man again, grabbing one of Hidan's arms while simultaneously planting one foot on the masochist's leg. He gave a sharp yank, and a pop and scream informed him that the Jashinist's shoulder had been dislocated. "You bastard," the miser growled. "What the HELL were you thinking?!"

A sharp kick to Hidan's gut kept him from replying, and sent the silver-haired male flying. "Do you have any idea how worried I've been?!" Kakuzu demanded as he approached the injured ninja. "Do you realize what could have happened to you without me around to back you up?!"

His foot came down hard on Hidan's ribcage, cracking several of the bones. "What would have happened to you if you got blown apart and I wasn't there to fix you?!"

He kneeled down and punched Hidan's face, assuring that the immortal was going to walk away from this with at least one black eye. "Or worse, what if someone figured out how to kill you, and I wasn't there to protect you?!" Panting from his outburst, Kakuzu grabbed Hidan by his hair and yanked the Jashinist up into a sitting position. "Well?"

Battered and bleeding, Hidan glared up at Kakuzu. "You're the one who told me to get the hell away from you," he weakly argued.

-n-

_Yet another fight had sprung up between the miser and masochist. Currently, Kakuzu was doing everything in his power to snap Hidan's neck, and Hidan was doing everything in his power to avoid the afore mentioned neck-snapping. "You're a bastard!" he snapped as he narrowly dodged the banker's threads._

Kakuzu was sitting on the foot of their shared bed, too lazy to chase the annoying Jashinist around on foot. That was what his threads were for. "Takes one to know one," he countered in a bored manner.

His retort did nothing to soothe the Jashinist's rage; if anything, it only intensified Hidan's fury. "Son of a bitch-"

"Hidan, shut up," Kakuzu snapped. He was getting annoyed at his partner, and was eager to kill him, if only to get a few moments of peace.

"Is that all you can say to me anymore?! 'Shut up, Hidan.' 'Don't bother me right now, Hidan.' 'Quit breathing, Hidan.' You really don't give a fuck about me, do you?!"

Kakuzu groaned to himself. Great, now the Jashinist was dragging their relationship into question. "Hidan, you sound like a PMS-ing girl."

"At least I'm not being a heartless dumbass!" Hidan spat out. He turned away from the miser and huffed angrily. "Admit it, you only keep me around because you need something to screw."

That did it. Kakuzu had had enough. "Dammit, why in hell's name did Pein have to pair me up with such a whiny little bitch?" he growled softly. Hidan hadn't been meant to hear that, but few things escaped the Jashinist's ears.

Seething now, Hidan spoke without thinking. "Because I'm the only person who'll put up with a freak like you!"

The zealot had just crossed the line, and called Kakuzu the one word that was off-limits for them both. "Shit, I didn't-" he began.

Kakuzu was on his fist in an instant, and glared death and malice at the masochist. "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SIGHT!" he bellowed.

"But-"

Hidan never finished his sentence, because in the next instant, both he and his scythe were roughly thrown out of the bedroom.

Lying in a crumpled heap, the zealot looked up to see his lover giving him a look that would have killed a lesser man. All it could do to the immortal was shatter his heart. Kakuzu opened his mouth to speak, but shut it without speaking and slammed the door closed.

Wordlessly, Hidan obeyed. He grabbed his weapon of choice, rose to his feet, and ran out of the Akatsuki building at top speed.

-n-

"I did what you told me to do," Hidan repeated. "Don't you dare tell me you weren't happy to see the last of me, dumbass, 'cause that's a Jashin-damned lie."

"When did I tell you that you couldn't come back?" Kakuzu demanded, his arms now reaching around the smaller man to support him.

"I called you a freak. That implies eternal banishment, you stupid bastard," Hidan elaborated.

-n-

Itachi quietly surveyed the destruction around him. From what he could tell, there had been no survivors among the enemy's numbers. Best if he left now, before he ran into any former Akatsuki.

A flicker of movement in his peripheral vision caught his attention, and he spun around to face the _last_ person he wanted to see right now. Kisame.

The weasel knew he had to run; not only because Kisame might kill him, but also because his heart couldn't take the love of his life not recognizing him as his lover. He attempted to run-

And was immediately pinned to the ground by Kisame's strong arms.

Struggling was out of the question; there was no doubt in Itachi's mind as to which one of them was physically stronger. Perhaps reasoning would work; he wasn't going to use Tsukiyomi unless he absolutely had to. "Itachi?"

The sound of his name spilling off the shark's lips completely caught the Uchiha off-guard. How could he-?! Wait, the bingo book! Every member of the Akatsuki had a copy; perhaps the shark had merely been perusing the book and noticed his page. It was a stretch, but not entirely impossible. "There's no need for us to fight," Itachi reasoned aloud. "Let me up, and we can both go our own ways-"

"Drop the act, angel," Kisame commanded softly. While Itachi lay stunned beneath him, the shark bent his head down and nipped at a particularly sensitive patch of Itachi's skin. "I know it's you."

-n-

Sasori blinked in surprise, and slowly turned his head to look at the blonde. "Sorry for what? Getting me to realize that I don't deserve you?"

"You weren't supposed to get upset, un," Deidara whispered. "You were supposed to get over me and move on, like nothing ever happened. I wanted you to be happy, un."

Sasori gave the blonde an incredulous look. "How in blazes would you disappearing make me happy, brat?!" Deidara let out a soft sob and sank to the ground, making Sasori's countenance soften. "See? I've made you cry again, and we haven't even been talking for ten minutes." He kneeled down beside the blonde and sighed. "Honestly, how can you even think to call someone like me danna?"

"Because you're my danna," the blonde declared through his tears. "You're a bastard, and sometimes you're about as emotional as your puppets, and you've got a horrible temper, but you're still my danna, un!" He wiped away a few tears before going on. "Sasori danna, you're the only person that's ever cared about me at all. You bitch and complain about it, but you always take care of me when I need it, and you worry about me all the time, un. That's why you're my danna."

Sasori reached out to brush away the tears on Deidara's cheek, when heavy footsteps interrupted their chat.

-n-

Hidan had the air knocked out of him when Kakuzu pulled him to his chest in a bear hug. If his ribs weren't broken before, they sure as hell were now. "Dumbass," Kakuzu choked out. "After all the shit we've been through, after everything we've said and done for each other…you honestly thought I was going to let one word ruin everything?!"

Hidan turned his head to look at his partner's face. Magenta eyes widened drastically at the sight. "Dude, are you crying?!"

Kakuzu hurled the Jashinist across the battlefield before using his hands to hurriedly wipe away the few droplets of water in his eyes. While in the vicinity, his fingers worked to rip off his mask and hood. The normally comfortable clothing seemed to be suffocating him right now.

Unbeknownced to him, the Jashinist was half-crawling, half-dragging himself back across the combat zone to his former partner. It didn't take long for him to return to the banker, and when he finally reached his target, all he could do was sit and stare. "Damn, Kakuzu, I didn't think…" he shook his head and let the words trail off. It was just as well, because a second later, their conversation was interrupted by a low voice.

-n-

When Kisame saw one of Pein's duplicate bodies standing mere feet away from himself and Itachi, he lowered his body onto the weasel while keeping his gaze on the pale, pierced being before him. He wasn't sure what Pein had in store for the uke, but it probably wasn't going to end well for Itachi. The least Kisame could do was use himself as a human shield, until he knew more.

The other semes were having similar problems with the rest of Pein's bodies. Sasori had wrapped his eight-armed puppet around Deidara, carefully positioning the arms to protect Deidara's vital points. Kakuzu took a more Kisame-ish approach to the situation, and held Hidan close to his chest.

For a moment, it seemed as though the leader's drones would do nothing. And then, as one, they finally spoke. "Return to base immediately. That is all." And before the men could even question the statement, they were gone.


	14. Chapter 13

"How can you even remember me?"

Kisame blinked at the question. He and Itachi were currently sitting by a small campfire, in an attempt to recuperate a bit before venturing back to the Akatsuki lair. The entire trek across the plains had been spent in silence, but it seemed that the Uchiha now wanted to start a conversation.

Despite his best efforts, the shark could not suppress his trademark grin. "Tch, like I could ever forget my angel." The grin faded, and his face took on a hardened look. "Why did you even wipe my memories in the first place? Amnesia's a bitch to get over, you know."

His attempted humor was unable to get a smile out of the Uchiha; if anything, it only made Itachi's frown deeper. "I didn't want you to remember me after I left. In case you decided to go after me, that is. This way, I could escape, and you'd be able to continue life as a member of the Akatsuki with no major problems."

"Yeah, but why'd you leave in the first place?"

Itachi looked to the fire before them. That was a question he really didn't want to answer; but his partner deserved an explanation. "I hate it when you go off and don't tell me where you're wandering off to. It worries me, that there are times when you don't want me around. When I have no clue what you're doing, or where you're doing things…"

Kisame stared at the Uchiha for a moment, before lunging at the weasel and knocking him to the ground. Whilst Itachi struggled beneath him, the shark grabbed the bottom of Itachi's shirt and yanked it upwards. Immediately, his eyes settled on a jagged scar on the weasel's side. "Do you remember how you got this?" he asked quietly.

Itachi resisted the urge to remind Kisame exactly which one of them had been the victim of amnesia, and nodded in reply.

Kisame ran his fingers gently over the flawed skin, making Itachi shiver. "We were training together," he softly reminisced. "You were still battling with your katana when we sparred back then.

Things were fine, except that I couldn't land any hits. I was getting more and more agitated, and the next chance I got, when you came close enough…I caught your side with Samehada.

You were bleeding all over the place, angel. And you were trying so hard not to scream that you couldn't even talk to me."

"We returned to the base, Kakuzu patched me up, and a few weeks later I was fine," Itachi concluded.

"I shouldn't have lost control like that," Kisame went on, oblivious to Itachi's comment. "But sometimes, I really can't contain myself. And when that happens, I want to be as far away from you as I possibly can. Because if you came across me like that, you might get injured. And I promised myself that I wouldn't hurt you like this, ever again." Bending down slowly, Kisame gently ghosted his lips over the wound. A slight intake of breath made him repeat the action; desire for Itachi made him do it a third time.

Kisame looked up, and his golden eyes soon locked with onyx pupils. The next moment found the two ninja lip-locked, with Itachi shirtless and working on unbuttoning Kisame's cloak.

-n-

Deidara watched silently as Sasori threw more wood onto their fire. He wanted to reach out and stop Sasori, but decided the process was already painful enough with his interference. The campfire they were sitting by was being fueled by wood from Sasori's ruined puppets.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Sasori shifting around, but wasn't aware of what the puppet master was doing until an Akatsuki cloak was draped over his reclining frame. "You'll be warmer like this," Sasori explained, still looking at the fire and not Deidara.

The bomber frowned at his danna's words. This was unnerving, to say the least. Instead of scolding the blonde, like he normally did, Sasori seemed to be avoiding any and all conversation, as if to ensure that he wouldn't offend the bomber and send him running again. Deidara hated it.

Grumbling softly, the bomber pushed himself up into a sitting position. "Danna, I want to sit on your lap, un."

"You'll be sore if you fall asleep like that," Sasori snapped without thinking. His eyes widened ever so slightly and he froze, as if waiting to see how Deidara would react.

The blonde saw his chance to salvage a bit of his old danna and dove in. "I don't care, un," he muttered stubbornly as he crawled into Sasori's lap.

Sasori blinked in shock before sighing and shaking his head. "Brat," he whispered to himself.

The dreaded b-word only got a laugh out of Deidara, and he placed a gentle kiss on Sasori's cheek. "Danna."

"You really are going to regret this tomorrow, though," he commented while wrapping an arm around Deidara's waist.

The blonde frowned slightly. "I told you, I don't care, un," he murmured before kissing Sasori's lips.

The gesture was a surprise, to say the least. The Akasuna assumed it was an attempt to distract him from the matter at hand. It almost worked. "You will in the morning when you wake up sore, cramped, and blaming me," Sasori retorted as he brushed his lips against the blonde's temple.

"But danna-"

"No buts," Sasori interjected as he fell backwards and dragged Deidara to the ground with him.

Surprised yet satisfied with their new position, Deidara curled up on Sasori's chest and tucked his head under the puppet master's chin. May as well start bonding with his danna now; they had a lot of lost ground to regain in this relationship. "Night, Sasori danna, un."

The redhead's only answer was wrapping his arms around the blonde's waist and kissing the top of Deidara's head.

-n-

"I missed you."

"Huh?" Hidan gasped.

Currently, the miser and masochist were journeying towards the hideout. As an apology/punishment for beating the crap out of Hidan, Kakuzu was now carrying the masochist on his back. Not that he was complaining all that much; he was just grateful to have Hidan back in his arms.

The zealot stared at his partner in sheer disbelief, before gently poking one of the miser's stitched cheeks. "Did you just admit you fucking missed me?"

The banker looked away and growled a low affirmative. Hidan laughed and nuzzled his face against the miser's neck, much to Kakuzu's annoyance. "Aww, that's one of the sweetest things you've ever said to me!"

"And may it be one of the last," Kakuzu spat back.

"Bastard."

"You're the one who'd prefer suffocation over sweet nothings, not me."

"There's nothing wrong with being a sado-masochist, dammit!"

"Of course not, dear."

"Shut the hell up, Kuzu."

"Love you too."


	15. Chapter 14

Pein wasn't surprised at all when Kakuzu and Hidan were the first to return to the base. Those two had always been the fastest travelers in the Akatsuki. Calmly, he informed the two of them that they'd be waiting in the living room, until the others returned.

Sasori and Deidara were the next to make an appearance. To the leader's relief, Sasori seemed a bit more stable than he'd been when the group had departed some odd weeks ago. The artists were given similar instructions as the immortal pair.

It took Kisame and Itachi another full DAY to return to the hideout, and when they appeared, Itachi was walking with a pronounced limp. It didn't take long for the other members to put two and two together. "You two couldn't have waited until you returned to the base?!" Pein demanded.

With all the grace and dignity Uchihas were known for, Itachi gave the leader a flat look and calmly said, "You are just jealous because I had incredible sex with the smexiest man in the Akatsuki."

The other members tried to suppress their laughter (some with more success than others), Kisame looked as though he was about to die of embarrassment, and Pein could only gape at the smug-looking weasel. "I really did not need that mental image," the leader groaned softly. Wonderful. The ukes had been back for less than 48 hours, and already he was getting grief and traumatizing mental pictures.

Mustering up what little authority he could salvage, Pein cleared his throat and began speaking to the members. "I've called you here because I needed to get a full head count. Now that everyone but Tobi and Zetsu have been accounted for, I need to speak to Hidan, Itachi, and Deidara privately." None of the semes moved. "Do you honestly think I'm going to try anything while you're here?" the leader snapped.

There was a moment more of hesitation before Kakuzu rose from his seat by Hidan. "If anything happens, yell," he instructed before giving Hidan a brief kiss and disappearing out the doorway. Kisame and Sasori gave their respective ukes similar commands and followed after Kakuzu.

Now, the trio of ukes turned their attention to Pein. Itachi had already activated his Sharingan, and the other two were prepared to flee at a moments notice. "Relax, for obvious reasons I'm not going to try anything," Pein murmured. "Now then. WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU PEOPLE THINKING?!" The ukes flinched in unison, but gave no reply. "We are an organization of criminals, not angsty homos! If you were having relationship issues, we could have just kidnapped a therapist from a nearby village and put you people in counseling!"

"Can we really do that?" Hidan asked the other two in a hushed whisper.

"But no, you three had to take off to get your message across, didn't you?!"

"Well it worked, un-"

"THAT IS BESIDE THE POINT! Under normal circumstances, I'd have all three of you gutted and eaten by Zetsu, but if I so much as touch one hair on your heads, your semes will beat the living daylights out of me!" To prove his point, he reached out towards Deidara and pulled on the blonde's ponytail. Deidara gave a small cry of shock, and outside the living room Pein heard a scuffling noise, followed by Sasori swearing. Upon hearing the puppet master's voice, Pein felt ill. Perhaps he shouldn't have used the uke with a lover who specialized in making poisons to be his example. Now he'd have to keep a close watch on his food for a few weeks. "See?"

"So does this mean we're off the hook, un?" Deidara asked hopefully.

"Not even in your dreams," Pein hissed. "I'm going to punish you three as harshly and painfully as I can."

"Hn?"

The leader chuckled darkly as a sadistic smirk crossed his face. "You three seem to work well together, don't you?"

"…Sure?" Hidan answered.

"Good. Then you'll have no problem taking on a retrieval mission, will you?"

"What are we retrieving?" Itachi asked warily.

"Zetsu and Tobi. Oh, and here's the good part! We have no idea where Tobi is, and we lost contact with Zetsu weeks ago. Maybe they're at the ocean! Or in the desert! Hell, they could be in the backyard for all I know! Good luck finding them, you leave in an hour." Punishment delivered, Pein exited the room cackling like a madman.

"…Seriously, Pein in the ass is way too creepy sometimes," Hidan stated, as the other terrified ukes nodded in agreement.

-n-

Fortunately for the trio, their first lead came as soon as they walked out the door. Well, that's not entirely accurate. The ukes never even got out the door, because the hideout's exit was being blocked by Zetsu's immense frame.

While the reinstated members gaped in shock at the plant man, Zetsu fell forward and fainted dead away. "Oh my Kami, un!"

Itachi was the first to react and crouched down in front of the plant man. After confirming that the schizo still had a pulse, he attempted to flip their friend over onto his back. With Deidara and Hidan's aid, the task was soon accomplished. Now to wake him up.

Hidan took matters into his own hands by straddling the unconscious Akatsuki member and repeatedly slapping his face. "Wake the hell up!"

Zetsu proceeded to 1) obey the command and 2) close his flytrap on Hidan's poor hand. Fortunately for both Hidan and the others, Zetsu was quick to release the immortal upon hearing Hidan swear to high heaven, and hurriedly sat up. "We're…**back?**"

"No shit, Sherlock," Hidan grumbled as he quickly sprang to his feet and backed away from the plant man. He'd done his part; Deidara and Itachi could take care of the rest. In the meantime, the zealot had an injured hand to attend to.

"Zetsu, we're going to go look for Tobi, un," Deidara explained.

"Tobi?!"

"We need to know where you've searched," Itachi added. "It will help us narrow down our search. Now, if you could just tell us where you have and haven't looked-"

"**I know where he is!** No we don't. **We don't; I do!**"

"What are you…he…explain yourselves," Itachi ordered whilst rubbing his temples in an agitated manner. There was a good reason that Tobi was the only member who ever spent long periods of time around Zetsu, and here was a wonderful example of that.

"**I had a vision! Tobi, living in the forest, with no memories of anyone!** That was a hallucination brought on by dehydration.**It's our only lead, so shut it!** That's not a lead-**Oh, and you have a better clue?** Well, no-**THEN SHUT UP!**"

"Did you even check the forest, un?"

"**Of course we did!** That was the first place we looked!"

"…"

"Well, maybe we should have been a bit more thorough…"

"…"

"**Ok, we were really just skimming for any signs of Tobi! But come on, do you have any idea how big that forest is?**"

"So what you're saying is that we need to check the woods again?" Itachi concluded.

"…Maybe."

"Jashin dammit, this hunt's off to a wonderful start."

-n-

Deciding to at least humor the dark (and rather irritable) side of Zetsu, the foursome retraced the plant man's steps, following him to the precise location on the mountain path where he'd commanded Tobi to stay. "**We left him right here.** Then there was a rock slide, and when we came back, Tobi was gone!"

Itachi was peering over the edge of the path as Zetsu spoke, his sharp eyes surveying the territory at the foot of the mountain. He wore a slight frown on his face as he shook his head. "There are boulders down there; they probably rolled across the path in this general area. But I honestly can't believe Tobi would be so stupid that he wouldn't get out of the way in time."

"Why can't you believe that, un?"

"…"

"Let's just go down there and start looking around," Hidan growled softly. Without waiting for the others to respond, he jumped off the path and began running down the side of the mountain at a near vertical slope.

"Does he just like jumping off things that are high up, un?" Deidara wondered aloud as he watched the Jashinist's rapid descent.

Itachi shrugged and began walking down the mountain path that had carried them to this point. He, for one, was opting to take the scenic route on this journey to the forest below them.

-three days later-

"Tobi!" Deidara called out. His scope zoomed in and out of the immediate area, but could detect neither hide nor hair of the missing ninja. "Urgh…"

"Dumbass!" Hidan screamed. His patience was wearing thin, and fast. If they didn't find Tobi soon, he was going to leave the forest completely and start looking in the surrounding areas. Perhaps starting with a local tea house that had damn good dango-

The zealot was startled out of his thoughts when he nearly stepped on a squirrel, frightening the animal and making it bite one of his exposed toes. "YEOW!"

-n-

The sound of numerous profanities escaping Hidan's lips soon drew the attention of the other members. In only a matter of moments, the entire search party arrived at the base of an oak tree to see Hidan…fighting with a squirrel.

Due to either sheer disbelief or disgust, the group watched from the sidelines as the enraged Jashinist chased the chattering rodent around the base of the tree, swiping at it wildly with his scythe. The three of them probably would have stayed there for a long time, just observing the show, had a large, dark lump not plummeted down from the branches of the tree and crashed onto Hidan's head.

Instantly the group snapped to attention, shifting into fighting stances in preparation for the mysterious attacker to turn its fury on them.

Tobi merely sat up and began chattering to the squirrel.

Once again, shock froze the Akatsuki members in their tracks. "Tobi, un?" Deidara gasped.

Tobi jerked his head to look at Deidara before squeaking and scurrying up the tree. "I think the idiot's lost it," Hidan muttered from his position on the ground. "Or he's playing some damnably stupid game."

"Maybe not," Itachi murmured thoughtfully.

"Explain," Zetsu demanded.

"Well, we saw boulders at the base of the mountain, and we're fairly certain that Tobi was caught in the rockslide. Perhaps he's suffering from amnesia brought on by a severe head injury."

"…So, he got hit by rocks and thinks he's a squirrel now, un?"

"Precisely."

"…"

"Zetsu?" Hidan asked as he climbed to his feet. "Are you ok?"

The plant man curled his hands into fists and took a deep breath. "I can handle having an idiot for a friend. I can deal with having a conniving Uchiha for a partner. **But I refuse to have a rodent for a lover!**" With huff of finality, the plant man stormed up to the tree and fused into it.

When he popped up on the tree branch not two feet from Tobi, the masked nin tried to run, but Zetsu was quick to grab onto his arm. With practiced grace, the schizo tore off Tobi's mask and tossed it away, before pulling his lover into a kiss.

Tobi struggled for a brief second before melting into a puddle of hormones as his boyfriend's practiced lips worked against his own. When they broke apart, the unmasked boy blinked at his lover for a few moments, before bursting into a wide smile. "Zetsu! Tobi missed you!" His exclamation was answered by a loving embrace and another kiss from Zetsu.

"Damn. Wish Kuzu could kiss like that."

"Un."

"Hn."


	16. Epilogue

Days later, the ukes found themselves in Pein's office. Konan was looming ominously over them, her hands behind her back, hiding something from their view. "Konan, what are we doing here, un?" Deidara finally asked.

The origami mistress chuckled and slunk towards the other members. "Ensuring that my yaoi is never again disturbed."

-n-

Cries of shock and pain slipped out from under the door or Pein's office and flooded the halls, immediately drawing the attention of every seme in the base. By the time they arrived at the office and broke down the door, the screams had died down, and the only thing they could see in the office was four very annoyed ukes sitting/laying on the ground with a rather smug Konan hovering over them. "What did you just do to them?" Kakuzu demanded.

"Inserted tracking chips into various body parts," the female replied with a smirk. "If they ever try to run away again, I'll be able to track them down and forcibly drag them back here! MWAHAHAHA!"

"Did you authorize that?" Kisame whispered to Pein.

"You try arguing with a yaoi-obsessed lover!" the leader snapped in a hushed whisper. "Just get your ukes and go. Now!" And so, while Konan was distracted by her evil cackling and imagining the yaoi to come, everyone but Pein sneaked out of the room, with the leader shutting the door after the group.

"What did she mean by, 'various body parts'?" Sasori wondered aloud.

"You don't wanna know," Hidan mumbled as he rubbed a very sensitive area of his body.

-time passes-

Kakuzu was busy with paperwork at his desk. The miser cursed himself for the billionth time for falling behind during Hidan's absence. Files and bills have a nasty habit of piling up when you're unable to do work, so that by the time you're actually capable of doing your job again it's nearly impossible to make any progress.

The banker let out a sigh. The worst part, though, was that even though he now had Hidan back, he couldn't do anything with the masochist!

Hidan mumbled something and nuzzled his face into the crook of Kakuzu's neck. Well, nothing aside from letting the Jashinist sit on his lap and sleep while the banker did his work.

Kakuzu paused in his accounting to run his fingers through the zealot's silver hair. At least the presence of his partner offered some comfort. The sound of Hidan's soft breathing had proven to be far better than the dead silence that had been filling their shared room as of late.

Hidan twitched slightly and growled in his sleep. "Bitch…die already…"

_"How cute; he's dreaming,"_ Kakuzu thought with a smirk. Shaking his head, the banker returned his attention to the bills before him. Perhaps if he completed enough of his work before Hidan awoke, he could spend a bit of bonding time with the zealot. Well, bond_age_ time might be a better way of phrasing it…

-n-

Kisame was running around the practice field outside the base, running through his sword maneuvers dozens upon dozens of times. Itachi watched him from his seat under a nearby tree, eyes occasionally looking to the book in his lap that he was supposedly reading. Since returning to the base, the shark and weasel had had several long talks about their relationship issues, and as a result were now working to spend more time together. Kisame was still hesitant to actually practice fighting with his partner, but that was something they could work on over time.

At last the shark set down his sword, and walked over to his partner with a smile on his face. "Hey," he murmured, bending down for a kiss.

"Hn," Itachi replied, kissing back. Before he could get to into it, however, the Uchiha wrinkled his nose and pulled away. "You stink."

"I've been training all day."

"Hn."

"Aw, come on Itachi! Don't be like that!" Suddenly, the shark was struck with a brilliant idea. Chuckling wickedly, he grinned down at his partner. "Oh angel..." he began in a sing-song voice.

Itachi sensed what was about to happen moments before the shark pounced and threw him to the ground. He couldn't move out of the way, but was quickly able to maneuver himself to flip them over so that he was pinning down his partner. Kisame, not to be outdone, quickly flipped them over yet again. This wrestling went on for quite some time, until finally Kisame was able to completely pin an exhausted Itachi. "Ha ha, now we're both sweaty," he stated. "So no more complaining, angel."

Itachi just rolled his eyes and kissed back when Kisame leaned down. They were probably going to be here for quite some time.

-n-

Sasori and Deidara were panting heavily, Deidara lying on his back with his eyes shut, and Sasori hovering over him, supported himself by his arms. Slowly, their eyes opened and locked with each other's. Deidara smiled, getting a smirk out of his partner as they shared a gentle laugh. "Wow, un…"

"Yes?" Sasori asked as he lay down beside the blonde.

"We haven't done it like that before, un."

"I wasn't as curious before," Sasori rationalized.

"Curious, un?"

"Yes, curious," Sasori repeated. He moved closer to his partner, and gently kissed the blonde's shoulder. Deidara watched in silence, smiling when Sasori repeated the action seconds later. "I want to know what makes you moan." He kissed a trail along Deidara's collarbone. "The things that make you whimper." The kisses turned into gentle nips. "And above all, what makes you scream." Deidara couldn't bite back the cry that escaped his lips as Sasori harshly bit down on the crook of his neck.

The blonde wrapped his arms tightly around his danna, fingers tangling in Sasori's hair as the Akasuna nipped and sucked on the reddened patch of skin. "Danna…oh Kami…Sasori danna, I love you, un!"

Immediately the puppet master broke away and captured Deidara's lips in a kiss. "I love you as well. And don't you ever forget that." The bomber recaptured Sasori's lips and grinned as he felt the puppet master's stomach cable rub against his inner thigh in a teasing manner. Well well. Things were about to get more interesting.

-n-

Pein walked into the kitchen of the Akatsuki base. He wasn't surprised in the least to find the room completely deserted. With a groan of frustration, he crossed the room to the counter and sat down in a chair, folding his arms and resting his head on the limbs. "What's wrong, honey?"

The Akatsuki leader turned his head to see Konan walking towards the fridge, presumably to acquire sustenance for the two of them. As the female rooted around the kitchen appliance, Pein decided to answer her question. "Konan, when was the last time any of our members decided to leave their rooms?"

"…It has to have been two or three days," Konan replied after a moment of thinking. The origami mistress had managed to find bread, semi-fresh meat, and condiments, and was now making the pair of them sandwiches.

"Exactly!" the leader exclaimed. "They should be out on missions right now, not…not…"

"Screwing?" Konan finished for him.

"YES!" Pein groaned again and slammed his head down onto the countertop. "Why did I have to pick the sexually deprived criminals? Why?"

"Calm down," Konan murmured softly as she finished her sandwich-making. Satisfied with her work, the female handed her partner his lunch, and then poured him a cup of coffee. "You just need a bit of java, that's all."

Nodding in acceptance, Pein took the steaming beverage from his partner. Coffee and Advil…those were the things that got him through the day. How Konan could survive when she refused to drink coffee and went without Advil would forever be a mystery to the Akatsuki leader. He shook his head, as if to dislodge the thought, and sipped his drink. "Mmm, this is good. Did you get a new brand?"

"Kinda," Konan admitted. "I'm glad you like it, hon. I'll be sure to tell Sasori."

"S-S-Sasori?"

"Yup! He's the one that brought it home. He even told me to make sure you tried some of it before anyone else-" Konan was never able to finish her statement, because Pein chose that moment to spew his coffee across the table and bolt from the Akatsuki base. Time to pay a visit to the local village medic.

The origami mistress blinked in surprise for a few moments, then shrugged it off as one of her lover's many strange quirks and cleaned up the mess. Once her task had been completed, she glanced up at the clock. Hmm, Zetsu and Tobi hadn't screwed in nearly six hours…if she hurried, she could still catch a little foreplay!

Grinning like the yaoi fangirl she was, Konan scurried off to her room. Time to check her network of hidden cameras.


End file.
